Your First Strap-On
Your First Strap-On (Sex Therapy in Philadelphia, Ocean City, Santa Fe, Mechanicsville)
Strap-ons are dynamic sex toys that can add fun, excitement, and pleasure to your life! Essentially, a strap-on is a hands-optional sex toy that consists of a dildo strapped to a harness that is typically worn around the pelvic area, thigh, hand, or face. Strap-ons can be used alone to enhance masturbation or with a partner for breathtaking play and/or penetration. Whether you plan to use your new strap-on alone or with a friend, wearing that beautiful strap can make you feel powerful and sexy in all new ways.
The process of choosing your first strap-on can be intimidating. Where do I start? What size should I get? Am I into the realistic ones? What else do I need to buy to use this thing? What if I don’t like it?
Moving from an idea to a purchase can feel both frightening and risky, but learning more about the options ahead of time can make choosing your first strap-on much less intimidating and way more exciting. Keep reading to learn about some of the options and considerations for choosing your first strap-on. As you read, try allowing yourself to get excited by the possibilities.
Strap-ons should be comfortable for your body and your brain. For some, confidence comes from the way they look in a strap-on, for others confidence comes from the way they feel in a strap-on, but it is important to draw that confidence from somewhere to boost your sexual self-esteem. Imagine how you might feel using a strap-on by yourself. Imagine how you might use the strap-on with a partner and how that strap-on might feel in your or your partner’s body. Find the eroticism in the idea of playing with yourself and your new toy. Think of your strap-on as an extension of yourself; allow yourself to get swept up in the power of wearing a dick!
Before we jump in, here are some of the terms you will hear throughout:
Harness – Usually made of leather or faux leather, is the part you wear on your body. Pelvic harnesses are worn around the waist/hips and thighs while other types of harnesses can be worn on the face, thigh, or hand.
Dildo – A phallic object, usually made of silicone, glass, or stainless steel, that is used to penetrate the mouth, vagina, or anus.
Ring – An o-shaped part, usually metal, sometimes plastic, that clips into the harness and holds the dildo in place, mounted on the body of the wearer.
Strap-on – When assembled together, the harness, dildo, and ring become a strap-on.
About the harness – Harnesses are wearable and hold the dildo in place. Harnesses are all about comfort; you want something that feels good to move around in. This presents a challenge as many shops have very rigid/non-existent return policies. If you’re feeling brave, some sex shops will allow you to try on floor model harnesses over your clothes. If you’re buying online or your shop does not allow you to try the harness on, some people prefer to purchase a less expensive version of a particular style as a less committal way of trying something new before purchasing a higher quality version of the harness. When thinking about which type of harness to purchase, think about how your body naturally moves during sex and what feels good to you. For example, if you enjoy thrusting, writhing, hip motions, you may consider a pelvic harness. If using your hands on yourself or a partner makes you hot, consider a hand harness. If your sex involves a lot of thigh-to-groin grinding, then a thigh harness may be for you. If your sex feels best when your face is in the action, a face harness may be for you. If you’re not sure which harness is for you, you can get creative by mimicking the sensation of each harness at home using leather belts in the places straps would be.
Before purchasing any type of harness, check the size of the harness. Most pelvic harnesses are straight-sized, so if you wear plus-sized clothes, get the plus-sized harness. Usually, online listings or product packaging will tell you a range of sizes for the harness (in inches), so you can tell if the harness will fit your body. If you are concerned about the fit of the harness, be sure to purchase one that has clearly marked measurements that align with your body measurements… That is, unless you can focus on your and your partner’s pleasure while leather straps are digging into your thighs and groin, in which case, go for it!
About the dildo – Dildos come in all shapes, sizes, and colors; some are realistic, some look alien, and some are pretty purple. There’s no right or wrong dildo to try, it really depends on what you think you might like. Some common materials that dildos are made from are silicone, stainless steel, and glass. Which one you buy comes down to your body and your preferences. Many prefer silicone because of the realistic feel while others opt for a more rigid feel with stainless steel or glass. When deciding what material to go with, think about what sensations you prefer with penetration. Do you like something more firm? Or maybe you like something more flexible? There is no wrong choice, however, you should research the materials your dildo is made from to ensure it is of good quality and is the right fit for your sex and for your body.
If this is your first time using a dildo, the size you choose should be considerate of the purpose of your dildo. Is the dildo for solo play or fun with friends? Is it for your partner’s pleasure, for yours, or both? If the person receiving is new to being penetrated, consider purchasing a dildo that is smaller and working your way up in size (if you so choose). If the person receiving knows what size feels good for them, try to find something in that range. Spend some time (alone or with your partner) looking at different sizes, shapes, and colors of dildos. Imagine yourself playing with them. Now, which one(s) turned you on? Go with that one!
About the ring – Rings, sometimes called o-rings, clip into the front of the harness to secure the dildo in place. Rings come in just a few sizes to accommodate the diameter of the dildo. Generally, a harness will come with one or two rings that fit most dildos with flared bases, but if your dildo is very small or very large, you may have to purchase an appropriately sized ring separately.
About the lube – Though some parts of our bodies can produce natural lubrication, using a lubricant or lube can add immensely to the pleasure of using a strap-on. While researching your dildo, it is a good idea to research what kind of lube (oil-based, water-based, silicone-based) you can use with the material of the dildo you selected. Different types of lube produce different sensations, so if multiple types of lube are compatible with your dildo, you may want to try different lubes to find what works best for your body. It is important to note that oil-based lubricants can cause condoms to dissolve and break. Water-based lubricant is generally considered the safest for use with sex toys and, as a bonus, it cleans up easily!
About double-sided strap-ons – Double-sided strap-ons are a whole different game; they have two ends for penetration instead of one. Their unique shapes mean that the way they mount to the wearer varies greatly. Some are to be used with harnesses and some are designed so that the dildo is held in place through penetration. Similarly to dildos, they also come in a variety of shapes, sizes, materials, and colors. If you want to look into double-sided strap-ons when choosing your first strap-on, try exploring some of the options with your partner to find what feels right for you. Double-sided strap-ons are often used to simultaneously penetrate two vaginas or the vagina of one partner and the anus of the other. While for many couples, getting the feel for a double-sided strap-on can be a little tricky, being penetrated while penetrating a partner brings them to a whole new level of eroticism.
Cleaning and maintenance – You’ll want to clean all parts of your strap-on before your first use and after every single use. Most places that sell sex toys will sell sex toy cleaners (even Amazon). If you’re buying a sex toy cleaner, make sure that you buy a cleaner that is compatible with the materials of your strap-on and follow the directions on the bottle. Most sex toys can also be cleaned with mild, unscented soap, warm water, and a clean cloth. Many choose to store their sex toys in silk bags to keep them clean and minimize wear. Consider storing the components of your strap-on separately so the friction doesn’t cause wear over time.
Now you’re ready to choose your beautiful new strap-on. Consider your options when choosing your first strap-on but focus on the feelings you get when thinking about your strap-on. Immerse yourself in the fantasy of wearing your strap-on and lean into that exhilaration.
If this new experience left you with more questions than answers or in need of support, call Sex Therapy in Philadelphia, Ocean City, Santa Fe, Mechanicsville at (215) 922- 5683 x 100 to schedule an appointment with a sex therapist.
