Using Your Strap-On

Using Your Strap-On (Sex Therapy in Philadelphia)

If you don’t yet have a strap-on, consider reading Your First Strap-On to learn more about your options before buying your first strap-on. If you already have a strap-on, keep reading to learn how to maximize comfort and confidence while using your strap-on!

By now you’ve chosen your strap-on: a harness that works best for your sex and your body; a dildo that is an exciting shape, texture, and color; an appropriately-sized ring, and a lubricant that is compatible with your dildo and feels good on your body. Congratulations, you have your strap-on, now is when the experience of choosing and using your strap-on can feel the most fun! Take a moment to get excited about the potential you and your new strap-on have together. Consider taking these next steps alone so that you can focus on feeling comfortable and confident without the distraction of another person in the mix. Set the mood for yourself; surround yourself in sexy scents, music, lighting, etc. (whatever your flavor is, really). It’s time to prepare for using your strap-on, starting with cleaning it then trying it on. 

Remember, strap-ons should be comfortable for your body and your brain. As you’re getting accustomed to your strap-on, give yourself grace and keep in mind that using any new sex toy can feel uncomfortable as you adjust to the new sensations and movements. Know that while some draw confidence from how they look in a strap-on, for others confidence develops over time from wearing a strap-on and learning to use it as an extension of their bodies. When you’re using your strap-on, try to get swept up in the fantasy of how you might use it. Take time to get comfortable, check yourself out in the mirror and appreciate how sexy you look! Allow yourself to let go of expectations and be in the moment, enjoying the experience of wearing your strap-on.

Now, let’s get into what to expect from your strap-on:

Cleaning and maintenance – You’ll want to clean all parts of your strap-on before your first use and after every single use. Note, that if your plan on taking turns using your strap-on with a partner, using condoms is best to prevent the transmission of STIs; if you’re not using condoms, be sure to clean all parts of your strap-on thoroughly before your partner puts it on. If you have a sex toy cleaner, make sure your cleaner is compatible with the materials of your strap-on and follow the directions on the bottle. Most sex toys can also be cleaned with a mild, unscented soap, warm water, and a clean cloth. Allow all components of your strap-on to dry before putting them away. Consider storing the components of your strap-on separately so the friction doesn’t cause wear over time. Many choose to store their sex toys in silk bags to keep them clean and to minimize wear. 

About the harness – Once you’ve purchased your harness, try it on in different ways to find what is most comfortable for you and move around in it! Traditional harnesses have straps around the waist/hips and thighs. To wear a traditional harness, just step into it like a pair of underwear, then adjust the straps of the harness however you need to to fit your body comfortably. Start your adjustments with the thigh straps and then move on to the waist/hip straps. The straps should be somewhat-firm on your body while allowing for ample movement and blood flow. 

Some people prefer to wear the harness on bare skin while others prefer to wear it over underwear or lingerie. If you try it on over underwear, you may find this to be most comfortable as there is a layer of fabric between the leather and your genitals. As an added bonus, the fabric will create friction, which for some, feels great! If the harness you selected is a face, hand, or thigh harness, your goals for adjustment are more or less the same, adjust to a snug fit that allows for easy movement, blood flow, and breathing (face). Once you feel like your harness is just right, move around in it and adjust again, if needed. 

Take some time to notice and get accustomed to the new sensations the straps provide.

About the lube – Before using your lube for sex, try it out on your hand. This will give you a chance to get acclimated to the feel of your lube before it is on a more sensitive part of your body. It will also allow you to notice any skin sensitivities you may have to that particular lubricant. If you bought more than one type of lube, now is your first chance to really compare what they each feel like and determine what you’d like to try. When using lubricant, many prefer to apply it to their clean hands (to warm the lube) and then apply an even layer to the dildo. 

Take the leftover lube from your hand and use it to stroke yourself. 

About the dildo – So now you own a dildo that excites you; you picked the shape, size, color and textures that felt best, now it’s time to play with your dildo. 

Take a few moments to appreciate your dildo; look at it, feel it, spend some time rubbing it with lube.

If you plan on receiving penetration, try it out on your own first; the dildo does not need to be in the harness in order for you to play with it. Take those earlier steps of appreciating your dildo and after you’ve lubed your dildo and yourself and when you feel ready for penetration, try to relax and start slowly. 

If you plan on using your dildo on a partner, and you want to know what the experience of penetration is like, consider carrying out the above steps. If you plan on using the dildo and do not want to be penetrated, still take the few moments to appreciate your new dildo and then skip down to the assembly section of this article. 

About the assembly – When you’re ready to assemble your strap-on, you should have a harness, dildo, and ring. Before wearing your strap-on for the first time, clean it and clean your hands (see cleaning and maintenance). 

Once you have all parts of your clean strap-on ready, remove the ring from the harness. Slide the dildo into the ring. Clip the ring (with the dildo in it) back in place in the harness. If your harness has a pocket for a small vibrator, slide the vibrator into place. If you’re using a traditional harness, step into the harness like you would step into your underwear and pull it up to your waist/hips. Loosen and tighten the waist/hip straps then the thigh straps as needed until you feel secure and comfortable. 

If your harness is to be worn on your face, hand, or thigh, you’re going to complete all of those steps in the same way except you will put the harness on the corresponding area of your body. 

If you were a little clumsy putting it on (you’re in good company), just spot-clean any parts of the strap-on that may have gotten dirty. You can do this while wearing it. Repeat the cleaning process between each wear.

Take a few moments to look at yourself in the mirror, imagine yourself using the strap-on and appreciate how hot that is!

Now you’re ready to rock your beautiful new strap-on. Keep trying it on alone; get a feel for it, play with it, play with yourself! You may also want to practice how you would use it to penetrate a partner. If you plan to use your strap-on with a partner, don’t be surprised at the stamina and core strength it takes to have penetrative sex using a strap-on. Don’t be scared of it either, you may be stronger than you know and you may even get the added benefit of increased endurance and stamina.

Try these fun, sexy exercises to build up flexibility, strength, and stamina!

Before you try these Using Your Strap-On Exercises, take 5-10 minutes to do a full body stretch. As you stretch each part of your body, pay attention to what the sensations feel like. With a free hand, stroke your skin on the muscle you’re currently stretching, pay attention to the feeling. You’re done stretching when you feel nice and loose, especially in your hips, legs, and back. It may take a few times doing this 5-10 minute stretch before you feel loose and that’s okay! Now put on your strap-on, check yourself out in the mirror, and don’t forget to tell yourself how sexy you look. 

For flexibility, while wearing your strap-on, look at your hips in the mirror and practice thrusting back and forth. Once you feel comfortable thrusting, scoop your hips forward and back. Then try rolling your hips toward the right. Once you’re comfortable with rolling your hips to the right, switch directions. Think about what motions feel good to you when you’re being penetrated and try to replicate them, still watching your hips in the mirror. Try to move with rhythm and fluidity (if you feel awkward don’t worry, you’ll get better over time).

For strength and stamina, lay a towel, blanket, or yoga mat on the floor. While still wearing your strap-on, get into the plank (or push-up) position. To get into a plank position, lay your stomach on your mat. Plant your feet together firmly behind you, and plant your hands under your shoulders. Slowly and gently lift your body up until your arms are straight but not locked and your body from your head to your feet is in a straight line. Time yourself and hold this position for as long as you can. Relax your muscles slowly as you return to your mat. As you repeat this exercise, try to increase the length of time you are able to hold this position.

For performance, we’re going to combine the last two exercises. This exercise can be practiced with a partner or a pillow. If you’re practicing with a partner, enjoy the friction but don’t penetrate unless you’re both ready. While wearing your strap-on, get into the plank position on a mat or bed, hovering over your partner or pillow. Now, practice those hip motions again: scooping your hips back and forth, rolling them to the right and then to the left. Switch positions! Lay on your back and practice those motions again. If you’re practicing with your partner and having difficulty, try it alone with a pillow. Remember, some folks have natural rhythm, and others can develop it, or borrow it from a song; whichever camp you belong to, practicing these motions will ensure that you will feel strong, smooth, and confident using your strap-on.

If this new experience left you with more questions than answers or in need of support, call Sex Therapy in Philadelphia at (215) 922- 5683 x 100  to schedule an appointment with a sex therapist.