Digital Stimulation: A How To Guide
Digital Stimulation (otherwise known as fingering): A How To Guide Digital stimulation is the act of using the fingers to stimulate the vagina with the purpose of pleasuring your female partner. One key thing to think about during the act of digital stimulation is the goal. Ultimately, the goal is to provide pleasure for your partner and fostering closeness and intimacy. This may or may not end in orgasm. Focusing too much on orgasm as an end goal can add unneeded stress to the act which can have a detrimental effect for both yourself and your partner.
Digital stimulation is one act where it is absolutely necessary to read your partners reactions and adjust your approach based on her feedback. What works for one partner may not work for another, and what works for one partner on one day may not work on another day. You have to be able to adjust your approach based on the verbal and non-verbal cues your partner provides you. This can seem like a daunting task, but with time and patience you will learn to read your partner and provide pleasurable stimulation.
The first thing to know about the act of digital stimulation is not to start focusing on the vagina too soon. If your partner is not ready for it and you go for vaginal stimulation too early, it may hurt her, or she may no longer be in the mood altogether. It is usually necessary to engage in other types of foreplay, such as soft kisses starting on both sides of her neck and around her chest and thighs. The process of arousing a woman in order to stimulate her vagina is very similar to the process of baking and using an oven. For example, if you wanted to bake a loaf bread, it would require prep time as well as preheating the oven in order for the loaf of bread to cook completely, starting with the outside and slowly baking on the inside. If you tried to cut any corners, or bake the bread at only 100 degrees rather than the recommended 400, you will have a soggy, uncooked, and not enjoyable bread on your hands. When it comes to foreplay and arousing your partner with the idea of digital stimulation in mind, it’s extremely important to not cut corners. Set aside the time to take the time, not only will it help you slow up your pace, but it will also demonstrate to your girlfriend that she is the focus, and connecting is the purpose, not the clock. Start with a light massage, this will connect you with you partner physically, and will help you develop a better idea of your partner’s touch and what she likes. Engaging in pillow talk, or cuddling, or other activities that are non sexually active will connect you and your partner emotionally and help increase your partner’s comfort with you and sense of safety. Engaging in foreplay and helping your partner preheat her “oven” is a process that can start as early as ska day or two before the actual act of digital stimulation. If you want to set the tone in advance, start early by complimenting a part of you partner’s body that you find sexy and a turn on, or ask to set aside time for a “bed date.”
If the underwear is still on at this point, you can incorporate it into your play by lightly stroking your middle finger, tracing along the outside of her underwear. This is a great way to tease and build her excitement. Vaginal wetness, physical cues like squirming and thrusting, and verbal cues like moaning are all positive signs that you can move your focus primarily to her vagina.
It is important that you do not succumb to the temptation to insert your fingers directly into your partner too fast — doing so can result in discomfort for her and embarrassment for you. Patience is the key! Just like baking bread starts outside then bakes slowly at the center, this approach also has you working your way from the outside in. Start by gently touching the areas around the vulva, starting with the inner thigh, using your index and middle fingers of both hands in a circular motion. This move stimulates the entire area at once, and is a difficult motion for women to practice themselves during solo masturbation, so it can be a very pleasurable and welcomed activity. Then stroke her stomach with the same fingers and motion directly above the pubic area, then slowly work your way inwards towards the outer lips. At this point you are building onto the anticipation and excitement of direct touch to the vagina, which enhances the overall sensations and stimulation from start to finish. Once you reach the outer lips, tease her by stroking your index finger in a circular motion around the vulva; make one to two full motions around the vulva then pull back and focus on stroking her thighs again in a circular motion to continue adding to the excitement of anticipation. After teasing and pulling back after two to three times (approximately 1-2 minutes), take your index and middle finger of either hand and place the fingers directly onto the outer lips of the vagina and gently caress the lips circular motion. Continue this motion for about one minute, then use thumb and middle finger to separate the labia and use the fingers of your other hand to stroke the inner lips of the vagina. You can begin to increase your pace and pressure of your strokes based on any physical (thrusting, muscles tensing, leg movements) and verbal (moaning, sighing) cues indicating pleasure.
Your partner may react strongly to touching around the clitoris, (found above the opening urethra); it is important not to focus too much on this area to the detriment of others. Just like the tip of the penis is extremely sensitive and varies in the sensitivity male to male, the clitoris is the most sensitive part of the vagina and also varies in the level of sensitivity woman to woman. For women who enjoy direct stimulation to the clitoris, be gentle using the tip of one or two fingers while using other fingers to stimulate other parts of the vulva, such as the inner outer labia. Some women will prefer you to pull back the hood of her clitoris to enhance the stimulation, once she is sufficiently aroused, but proceed carefully, as this area can be extremely sensitive. By pulling back the hood with one hand, this allows your middle or index finger of your free hand to stroke directly on the exposed clitoris. Focus on the clitoris may not be for all women, whether they have a very sensitive clitoris, or they enjoy other areas of stimulation.
If your partner is stimulated when her clitoris is touched, try lightly rubbing the clitoris with the middle of the inside of your palm (with the free hand). Do this while your other hand’s fingers are inside of her vagina. To avoid too much stimulation of the clitoris, or if you are still unsure of how your partner feels about touching her clitoris, take a break from rubbing the clitoris and go back to your earlier move of take the very tip of the index finger of the free hand and lightly stroke around the outside of the vulva, and then stroke the inner thighs. To continue rubbing your partner’s vagina, without complete focus and stimulation on her clitoris, take the inside of your palm and place the middle of your palm on the bottom part of her vagina, right over the top of the opening of the vagina. Move your hand in a circular motion, while rotating the direction every 3 to 5 strokes, until you receive physical or verbal cues to continue in just one direction. As for rhythm, start slow so you are able focus on your partner’s response and her body, again the more intense physical and verbal cues you receive, the more you can gradually the pace of the circular motions. Follow the same approach with pressure; start by applying very little pressure, then as you pick up the pace, you can also gradually increase the pressure. Be mindful in the amount of pressure applied; you’re not trying to wash a car, or get out a stain out, you’re simply trying to enhance her stimulation with a little extra gusto.
Digital stimulation for a woman is different from a hand job for a man, in that there is no clear indication of reaching orgasm, or when she is finished. Not every woman screams in pure delight, but at the same time not every woman is quiet about reaching orgasm. The end results may be with or without an actual orgasm, which some women can achieve though digital stimulation, and some women can’t.
As far as what your partner prefers, and responds pleasurably to may vary day by day, and it is important not to force anything that is not eliciting a positive response. The good news is there is an array of options that you can share with your partner. From lightly rubbing her vagina with your hand, to stroking your fingers along her outer lips up and down, or even teasing and message her genitals when she has underwear on, your options are endless!