Asexual
What is asexuality? Asexual orientation that is characterized by an absence of sexual desire, attraction or interest in sex. Asexual individuals are not attracted to those of the same or opposite sex, and are dissimilar from individuals who may choose to abstain from sex. Some asexual individuals may still engage in sexual activity for various reasons, such as physical pleasure or to please a romantic partner, but they do not experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity. Asexual people may still experience romantic attraction and form romantic relationships. It is estimated that 1% of the world’s population are asexual.
Could I be asexual? It is possible that you may be asexual if you do not experience sexual attraction or desire for others. However, it’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences with their sexual orientation are unique, and it’s not always easy to put them into neat categories. Some people may identify as asexual for a period of time, but later realize that they do experience sexual attraction. It is also possible to be somewhere on the spectrum of asexuality, also known as being “gray-asexual” or “demisexual”. It is recommended that you reflect on your own feelings and experiences and seek out resources such as online forums and support groups for asexual people to learn more.
How should I tell my partner that I might be asexual? Telling your partner that you are asexual can be a difficult and vulnerable conversation to have, but it’s important to communicate your feelings and needs in order to build a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Here are some tips to help you have this conversation:
- Choose the right time and place: Make sure you’re in a comfortable setting where you can have an open and honest conversation without interruption.
- Start by explaining what asexuality is: Your partner may not be familiar with the concept of asexuality, so it’s important to give them some background information to help them understand what it is and what it means for you.
- Use “I” statements: Speak from your own perspective and use “I” statements to express your feelings and experiences. For example, “I don’t experience sexual attraction” instead of “you don’t turn me on”
- Be prepared to answer questions: Your partner may have questions about how your asexuality affects your relationship, so be prepared to answer them in a calm and honest way.
- Be open to compromise: Remember that your relationship is about finding a balance that works for both of you, so be open to finding ways to compromise and make the relationship fulfilling for both of you.
- Offer reassurance: Let your partner know that your asexuality doesn’t change how you feel about them, and that you still value and care for them.
It’s important to remember that it’s normal to have concerns and worries about how your partner will react to the news, but with open and honest communication, you can work together to build a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.
I think my partner might be asexual, what should I do? If you believe that your partner may be asexual, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with them about their feelings and experiences. It’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity and understanding, and to remember that everyone’s experiences with their sexual orientation are unique.
It’s important to ask them how they feel and what their experiences are, and also to have a clear understanding of what asexuality is, and not to make any assumptions about it. It’s also important to respect their boundaries, and to remember that just because someone is asexual, it doesn’t mean they don’t desire intimacy or connection. If your partner is asexual, they may still want to engage in romantic or physical activities, but those activities may not include sexual activity.
It’s also important to remember that asexuality is a valid sexual orientation and just like any other it should be respected. It’s important to work together to find ways to have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship that works for both of you.
A therapist can also help you to:
- Understand and accept your asexuality: A therapist can provide information about asexuality and help you to understand that it is a valid sexual orientation. They can also help you to understand and accept your own feelings and experiences.
- Develop a positive self-image: A therapist can help you to build a positive self-image and self-esteem, and to learn to accept and love yourself, despite any feelings of isolation or marginalization you may have experienced.
- Communicate your feelings and needs to others: A therapist can help you to develop the communication skills you need to express your feelings and needs to your partner and other loved ones, and to build fulfilling and satisfying relationships.
- Navigate social and cultural expectations: A therapist can help you to navigate societal expectations and stereotypes around sexuality, and to understand how these may be impacting your feelings and experiences.
- Find support and community: A therapist can help you to find support and community resources, such as online forums and support groups for asexual people.
It’s important to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about asexuality and can provide a safe and non-judgmental space. If you find that your therapist is not well-versed in asexuality, it’s important to bring it up and ask for a referral to someone who can better support you.
*Created for the dictionary at Sex Therapy in Philadelphia (267) 324 9564