What Is Premature Ejaculation

What is premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation is when a man ejaculates within three minutes during a sexual experience. At times premature ejaculation can be very frustrating for men due to the lack of control over their ejaculation. Premature ejaculation can occur with minimal sexual stimulation before, during, or shortly after penetration or before the male wishes to ejaculate occurring with marked distress and interpersonal difficulty. Premature ejaculation could either be lifelong or partner specific. For further information on identifying the type of premature ejaculation review tip on Assessing Your Premature Ejaculation.  

 In answering the question “what is premature ejaculation” does time matter? Some people get caught up in the time frame aspect of how long a male should last. Is two minutes too short? Is twenty minutes just right? Is an hour too long? From a therapist’s perspective, “time” would only matter if there is a discrepancy between partners as to how long an erection should last to fulfill a desire or need in each partner. For instance, some women prefer fast sex, while others are only satisfied after 40 minutes or so of penetration. It is typical for most men to cycle through episodes of ejaculating quickly or lasting for longer periods of time. If in either of these circumstances the other partner is bothered, then that is when the “time” factor plays a part in dissatisfaction. Sexual arousal, frequency of sex, and overall mood can play key roles in the day-to-day experiences of ejaculation. In order to receive the diagnosis of Premature Ejaculation the experience of ejaculating too quickly, under 3 minutes, must be an on-going issue despite arousal, frequency and mood. Treatment is recommended only if ejaculating too fast bothers you and/or your partner.

 Other considerations to explain what is premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is a sexual disorder that is tied to the excitement phase that follows arousal. There are many factors associated with extreme excitement that can mimic symptoms of premature ejaculation disorder which include:

  • Dating a new partner

  • Not having sex in a very long time

  • New environment

  • Stress from life changing events

These experiences can lead to an occasional ejaculation experience in the 0-3 minute time frame. However, if you find that you experience ejaculating too fast more often than not it is not a fluke and you may be experiencing Premature Ejaculation. Keep reading to uncover factors that can lead to premature ejaculation.

Common factors that contribute to premature ejaculation

Some common factors that can lead to premature ejaculation are situational and/or emotional triggers. You may have an over developed brain, also known as a disconnect from your body, or you may be experiencing typical life changing events, stress, relationship dissatisfaction and/or anxiety around your performance. Below are statements that capture how these factors can impact and trigger your premature ejaculation.

 1. Anxiety

  • I feel anxious about my sexual performance

  • I don’t want to feel like a loser because I can’t perform for my partner

  • I want to make sure I please my partner before sex because it is not going to last long

If you can relate to these statements you may find yourself consistently thinking about your performance and ability to not disappoint your partner which builds up anxiety and doubt. This affects your mental state before you engage in sexual activity to the point that you kind of sike yourself out of an enjoyable experience. You consistently have in the back of your mind the possibility of climaxing too soon. This is an example of how anxiety plays into premature ejaculation.

2. Disconnectability

  • I always ejaculated fast and whatever I do, I can’t slow my ejaculation down

  • Every time I engage in sexual activity I ejaculate fast

If these statements spoke to you, you may be experiencing a disconnect of mind and body. You trained your body to respond rapidly to sexual stimulus. You trained yourself to hurry up. Do you masturbate to pornography stimuli? Thought? Image? Stress? When you do masturbate do you do so with time pressure or when you are relaxing? Sometimes time pressure can become an issue when previous patterns of masturbation routines had to be done in a hurry to avoid being caught by a family member, in a location other than your personal space, being somewhere to be and you wanted a release before you left, you want hurry to have the experience of feeling the ejaculation, or you like the reward of the tension and stress relief you feel from having an orgasm. These experiences could have set the stage for your current premature ejaculation. Although currently you may not be in a rush, your past routine displays a hurried technique which negates your response to slow down, relax, and enjoy the experience.

This affects your performance because your mind would like to last longer to please your partner but your body is disconnected from that process. You trained your body to feel minimal stimulus before ejaculation hence creating disconnectability of your mind, sensations, and experience. Mentally you are detached from your body and when you experience the pleasurable sensations with your partner, your body is in a state of shock creating an imbalance.

3. Hyperexcitability:

  • My penis is regularly hypersensitive and I cum right after I penetrate

  • I always ejaculate before I penetrate

  • I am so excited that I don’t need physical penetration to ejaculate

If these statements express your experience, you may be experiencing an overwhelming stimulating mental experience or overenhanced penile sensitivity. It would not take much sexual stimulus for you to reach your peak. Your mind is hyper excited which translates to your genitals and ignites your pleasure sensors emanating an orgasm faster than expected. Here your sensation override your mental state creating the opposite process of the mind body disconnect…it is rather the body mind disconnect.

To sum up, premature ejaculation is an uncontrollable ejaculatory experience that can be triggered by stress, a disconnect, and/or hyperexcitability. You could either have a life long or situational type. If you are not experiencing the fluke situations mentioned above (new environment, stress, etc.) then you may want to consider other factors contributing to your erectile dysfunction. Here are some ways that you can identify what factors influence your erectile dysfunction:

  • If you experience premature ejaculation towards the beginning of your sexual experience, then you may want to consider anxiety being the precursor.

  • If you happen to find that it occurs after penetration you may be experiencing a trained orgasm response that led to the disconnected mind and body experience.

  • If you ejaculate before penetration, you may want to consider the possibility of hyperexcitability.

Assuming there isn’t a medical explanation for your premature ejaculation, sex therapists or websites such as ours can help you regain your confidence in the bedroom, last longer and enhance your sexual self-esteem for a more fulfilling sexual experience.