Communication with your partner about the Length of Sex
Many men think about how long they last before orgasming and wonder if they are normal or not, whether their performance is good enough, or how satisfied their partners are. Some women may not feel comfortable telling you to hurry up sex to avoid hurting your feelings, but they may sometimes think it.
Sex can be an uncomfortable thing to talk about, however, when you don’t discuss feedback as lovers you only guess or assume what their experience is and keep doing that. You can create your own personal time goal and try to last all you want. You may be missing the thing your partner actually wants or needs that would foster better sex than just lasting a little longer.
A lot of people struggle to talk about sex in general. People who are more comfortable talking about sex, may not broach the topic of how long sex is lasting and how satisfied you’re both feeling about how long sex is lasting.
- Clothes on. Make sure you’re both well rested, fed, and thirst quenched. When your basic needs are not met, people are more sensitive to emotional reactions that may be more extreme than when they are feeling calm and taken care of
- Use open-ended questions or curiosity statements
“I’ve been thinking about our sex lately and am wondering about your experience.”
“What about our sex do you like the most?”
“What do you think we should spend time discussing to improve your satisfaction?”
“What areas do you think we do the best job exploring?”
“What areas are you open to exploring?”
“How would you like this exploration to look? Should I take the lead or is it better if you do?”
“Talk to me about the areas that are difficult for us to explore sexually”
- Start with positives about your sexual relationship and frame criticism as a positive of what you would like more of
Instead of anything like “don’t pinch my nipple anymore” say “I really like when you use a soft touch on my breast and nipple”
“I love making love to you so much that I want it to last as long as possible. How does it feel for you when I try to extend sex?”
- Ease in with your own vulnerability
“I’m been feeling embarrassed lately that I’m not lasting long enough or coming to orgasm too quickly. Can we talk more about what sex is like for you so it can help us both?”
“I saw an ad for men lasting longer and it got me thinking about how long sex is for us. What do you think our average length of sex is? How does it work for you?”
“I noticed that I’m coming to orgasm before you do. Can we talk about your experience?
- Go bold with asking straight out
“How long do you think your ideal sex would last?”
“What can I do more or less of in bed to help us accomplish this?”
“What is working about our sex for you? What would you like to see change?”
There is a ton of bad information out there about unrealistic expectations for how long a guy should last during sex. If left to your own devices, this may end up making you feel inadequate and think you need creams or medication to help you last longer. However, the most important person to help you with this insecurity is your partner. All you need to do is start having the conversation. If you still find it difficult to address the issue of talking about how long sex should last, you may need these conversations to happen in a sex therapist’s office.