The Yoni Massage – Tantra style Yoni (pronounced YO-NEE) is the Sanskrit word for vagina and it has been said to translate to “sacred temple”, “sacred place” and “divine passage”. The yoni massage has many uses. It has been used in persons who have had sexual traumas in their pasts to learn to trust their partners. It has taught many women how to have multiple orgasms and it is also just a great way to connect to your partner. Again ,with the yoni massage it is important that I point out that this has to be done with no expectations. So partners you have to be in the mindset that this is strictly for your partner to relax. You CAN NOT expect her to reciprocate during this session. In fact I discourage it as this will bring up many emotions, make the yoni and g spot hypersensitive and defeat the purpose of the ritual.
Now first off we must prepare our space. Find an area that is free from distractions. Take the time to turn off your phones, turn on some music (pick soft music that isn’t something that will encourage you to sing along. You don’t want anything to take you out of the moment), kick out the pets, light red candles and if you have one, turn on a red light (red has been shown to enhance sexual arousal). Make sure your space is clean and try burning some incense (I like to use either desert sage or white sage and burn it in a shell or other item that you feel connected to). Once you have the space ready, it’s time to connect to your partner.
Connecting to your partner can be done in many ways. It can be things like taking the time to sit across from each other and drink a glass of wine, bathing together (I would suggest bathing before a yoni massage anyway just so you feel fresh and it will also relax you and your yoni), or you can just sit and breath together trying to match each other’s breathing. Whatever you chose to do, it is important to make eye contact during the entire exercise. This may feel weird at first but it will get easier with time.
Now it’s time to move to the next step. Have your partner first lay on her stomach naked. It is important that even though you are very familiar with each other that you still cover her with a small drape. This is not about sex. It’s about an erotic connection. Sit next to her either on your knees or cross legged whichever is more comfortable to you. I want you to picture that the part of your legs that are in contact with the ground are huge tree roots that dig deep into the ground and that you can feel the energy of the earth pulsing through those roots into you and into your partner. Take your left hand and place it over the place where her heart is. You will be using your right hand to massage her arms, legs, back (use of the right hand is important because it is linked to polarity in tantra). You may use oils, but when you put the oil into your hand I don’t want you to lose the connection to your partner. Turn your left hand over keeping contact with her skin and then with your right hand fill it with the oil and warm it. It is important to breathe during this ritual and partners you are in charge of maintaining this breath. When we feel strong emotions and/or pain we will tend to stop breathing, so it is important for you as a partner to monitor her breathing, and take a deep breath to encourage your partner to match your breath. Feel free to make noise when you breathe out it will enhance the flow of sexual energy.
When you are doing the massage, I want you to focus on enjoying the feel of your partner’s skin. Enjoy every curve of her body, every curve of her muscles, and the sensation of her skin as it rubs against yours. If you are enjoying it and are taking your time touching her, and you have that earth energy flowing through you, she is going to enjoy it too. It also gets rid of what I call “the goal”. If you don’t have an agenda then you won’t be so focused on reaching “the goal” and everything will be so much better.
Now start to touch her. Rub and massage her back, neck, legs, arms, the space where the legs meet the buttocks, etc. Whenever your partner is ready, she can flip over and I want you to place one pillow under her head and one under her butt and place your hands in the same fashion as before, left hand over the heart and right hand exploring (it is important to avoid the genitals during this stage as we will move into that more when we get to the actual yoni massage). Take at a very minimum 30 minutes exploring her body.
Now it’s time for you to move on to the yoni massage. Be sure you have set up the space and have taken the time to go through all of the steps outlined above. Don’t skip those steps and move right to the yoni massage as it is very important to be relaxed and connected before you start. Also be either shaved or trimmed tight for this ritual as it allows your partner to work freely and it eliminates accidental pulls etc that will take you out of the moment. By now your partner is lying on her back and has a pillow under her head and her butt. It is important to check in with your partner from time to time to make sure that she is ready to move on to this next step. She must know that she is safe with you. This is extremely important for anyone that has had trauma or other things that block them from totally enjoying their sexual side. Again this is not for the sake of arousal or orgasm it is about feeling connected and safe with you so don’t move too fast.
Sit between your partners legs picturing the roots of a tree digging into the earth and pulling energy up through those roots into you. Make sure you can see your partner eyes. Keeping eye contact as much as possible is very important as is maintaining both you and your partner’s breathing. Pour some high quality oil onto the mound of the yoni enough to where it can drip down and cover the entire yoni. Do not use any favored or sugar based oils for this part as that could change the PH balance and cause yeast infections. I would suggest water based lubricants or unscented grape seed oils. As stated above sexual intercourse after this ritual is NOT recommend but keep in mind if you do and you have used any oils, they will compromise the integrity of a condom.
Now that the oil is on, massage the yoni mound. Take your time doing this. Do not rush to the next step. Massage in circles around the labia. Just focus on the skin around the yoni on the legs etc for now. After a while run your fingers up and down the external part of her lips. Again take your time. Then move to the inner portion of her lips. You can lightly squeeze as you massage them up and down. She may become aroused but it is important to encourage her to work though it and to stay relaxed and monitor her breathing. Now you can move on to the massaging the clitoris. Do this in large circles moving in to small circles. Then alternate between massaging and squeezing the clitoris softly between your index finger and your thumb. Remember YOU ARE NOT trying to get her to orgasm. This is a massage. It may happen but don’t make it the goal. Also keep checking in with her on the pressure, speed etc. Ladies, it is important to communicate your likes etc. Massage externally for at least five minutes. When she is comfortable then it is time to move on to the internal massage.
If it has been a long time getting to this point, it may be a good time to void your bladder again before starting the internal massage. Also remember that this may be the first time anyone has touched her yoni where it has had nothing to do with sex. So this is the time when emotions etc could be processed. Be aware partners, she could cry etc. These emotions are all normal so just allow her time to process her feelings and again breathing and eye contact is key to keeping her safe and calm. Insert the middle finger of your right hand into her yoni. You may use your other hand to lightly massage her or place it on her heart. Encourage her to take it into her rather then you shoving it in to her. Again this is NOT about sex. Do not thrust it in and out of her. Now I want you to picture the face of a clock and turn your finger up to the 12 o’clock position. Move your finger lightly back and forth trying to find a spongy area (her g spot or sacred spot). Once you have located it, slowly massage that area. This may cause feelings of having to pee. Encourage her to breathe and vary your pressure position some until it is comfortable. After a few minutes, move on to 1 o’clock and lightly massage that area for a few minutes. Do the same thing moving all around the clock. You will obviously have to move your hand to get to some of the positions just move your finger back to a neutral spot before adjusting. She may experience sensations that have been described as a broken glass, burning, sharp pains or she may have intense emotional feelings. If she experiences pain or other emotions, reconnect with her, monitor her (and your) breathing and remind her that she is safe. Also, if she experiences these things, don’t withdrawal, just have her take a deep breath, hold it and then release it with a powerful exhalation. As she exhales I want her to imagine the pain as a black fog that releases out the body in that breath. You can then move to a place that is more pleasurable but after a few moments, take the time to reconnect to her and that same spot again. Take your time with this. It is about connection. She may experience many orgasms during this time but that is not the goal. Just let things happen as they may and encourage her to breathe through them.
Whenever you are done, be sure to include lots of cuddle time and/or any other activity that keeps you connected. She may wish to have some time alone afterwards to relax which is o.k. too. Again resist the urge to have sex after this (especially if you are using this as a method of working through trauma etc). It will move the energy back out and will defeat the purpose of this ritual. If she wishes to have some time alone, end the ritual by relaxing with your partner together for 10 minutes or so.