Accepting Your Own Limitations

Accepting your own limitations – Is your relationship worth saving? While most people will have an opinion about whether you and your partner should stay together, ultimately, the answer to that question is an intensely personal decision that only you can answer. Ultimately, you will have to live with the consequences.  Even fantastic therapists like the ones we have at our organization in Philadelphia can’t answer the question for you. With that being said, there are some general guidelines that the counselors at The Center For Growth have developed as to when a relationship is not worth saving.

  • Your partner wants to end the relationship. No matter how much potential you see in the relationship, or how much you love your partner, you can not ‘fix’ the relationship without him/her. Relationships take two people.
    When this is the scenario, we strongly encourage you to let go. Prior to letting go, it may be to your benefit to have one last conversation with your partner where you state your perspective. In some situations, you might be able to ‘win’ him/her over. However, be careful. Too much persuasion on your end runs the risk of putting yourself in an overly compromised situation. If you have to beg to get your partner to take you back, then you may be over-giving, and your partner over-taking. This could result in your partner acting selfishly, not because she/he is a bad person, but rather because you over gave. Balance in a relationship also means boundaries. When someone you love is not treating you well, step back and observe how you feel. Explore within yourself why you want to spend time with someone who is not treating you well. Does it really feel good? Or are you simply wanting them out of force of habit? Or memories of what used to be?  This is very different than a partner who is unhappy about the relationship, but is willing to explore in therapy if this relationship is worth saving.
  • Your partner is emotionally, sexually or physically violent towards you, and /or your child.Extreme situations such as violent rapes or broken bones are easier to recognize. To report abuse, contact the police 911. If you are unsure if you meet the criteria of an ‘abuse victim’ or if you are scared, professional help is available.
    The Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and / or a rape hotline.
    Women Against Rape (215) 985 — 3333 
    Most people who are living with an abuser or lived with an abusive person benefit from the support of a therapist. No one should go through this alone.If your partner is emotionally, sexually or physically violent towards you and/or your child, it is important to take immediate action to protect yourself and your loved ones. This type of behavior is never acceptable and is a serious problem that should not be ignored.

    The first step is to seek help and support. Contacting a local domestic violence hotline or organization for assistance and information on how to stay safe. They can provide you with resources, including emergency shelters, legal assistance, and counseling. It is also important to tell someone you trust about the abuse, whether it’s a friend, family member, teacher, doctor or a therapist

    It is also important to document the abuse by keeping a journal of any incidents and taking pictures of any injuries. This information may be useful in court, if you decide to file for a restraining order or seek legal action against the abuser.

    It is a difficult decision but leaving an abusive relationship can be the best option for you and your child safety. It is important to have a safety plan in place before leaving, such as finding a safe place to stay, and having important documents, money, and other essentials ready to take with you. Please be aware that leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it’s important to have a plan in place and to let someone know where you are going.

Sometimes, motivated partners who have a history of being abusive are able to change. It is rare for partners to change without a lot of help. We recommend the following resources for the abuser in Philadelphia (there are many other good places to go depending upon which state you live in). Also – if you have been abused, it is not your job, nor always in your best interest to tell your partner about the help they could / should be getting. The hope is that the abuser will also be reading this article and decide for themselves that they want help. 

Resources for the Abuser

  • Sexual abusers in Philadelphia who want help can contact: Joseph J. Peters (215) 701-1560
  • Physical abusers who want help can contact: The Center for Family Services : (856) 964-7378

Making Peace with an imperfect relationship.  Lots of relationships are problematic, but not abusive.  Frequently, couples need to learn how to accept and love their partner’s imperfections.  People can grow and change together.  There is hope Making peace with an imperfect relationship can be challenging, but it is possible. One approach is to focus on the things that you appreciate about the relationship, and try to let go of the things that are causing conflict or dissatisfaction. It can also be helpful to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and needs, and to work together to find solutions to any issues that may arise. Additionally, seeking the help of a therapist or counselor may be beneficial in learning to navigate and improve the relationship.

Giving yourself permission to walk away from a bad relationship: Giving yourself permission to walk away from a bad relationship is important for your own well-being and happiness. It is important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. If a relationship is causing you emotional pain or distress, it may be time to reevaluate whether it is worth continuing.

It can be difficult to leave a relationship, especially if you have invested a lot of time and energy into it, but it is important to remember that your mental and emotional well-being should always come first. If you have tried to improve the relationship through communication and compromise, but the issues persist, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.

It may also be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor, who can help you work through your feelings and provide guidance on how to move forward. It is also important to remind yourself that you are not alone and that there are many other people and opportunities out there for you.

Marriage Counseling and / or Couples Counseling Can Help – Meeting with a marriage counselor, can help you determine for yourself what is the best way to proceed.  By working with a marriage counselor, / couples therapist can help you better understand the choices that you have made, identify your options, and help you achieve your goals. There is no one right answer, only what works best for you.