Internet And Open Relationships
Internet and Open Relationships You and Philadelphian Lover may have decided to try pursuing an open relationship and you live in Philly. You have done your homework, including some self help therapy books and you and your Lover understands some of the risks involved. You and your Lover have talked about ground rules for a successful relationship and each of you understands the other person’s “non-negotiables”. Now the question is how do you find someone? Well don’t jump the gun, as it’s extremely important that you have a game plan at all times in terms of finding someone and an open line of communication the entire time. If you have not yet talked to your Lover about engaging in an open relationship and/or have not talked about setting ground rules, take some time and do so. There are many people living in the Greater Philadelphia region who believe in open relationships and these knew people can wait until you and your Lover have worked through the above important details.
Once you have talked everything out and you know what you and your Lover want from this open relationship it’s time find someone. What if you have no idea where to start? Well there are a number of options and computer jargon to learn. The Internet, like all other activities has it’s own special language that is necessary to learn to be successful.
Internet and Open Relationships
You can start by checking out chat rooms. There are many that are attached to yahoo, AOL, msn etc. There are also chat rooms such as IRC, ICQ, and PlanetChat that are specifically for chatting. Most have swinger, bisexual, gay etc. specific rooms. There are also online classified sites like Craigslist where you could find that right person or persons. Be very careful though in any of these options that you do not to post any personal information or choose pictures that have any identifying information in them (your house in the background, for example). Depending on how out you are or want to be, you could change your Facebook or MySpace status to “in an open relationship” or “looking for men and women”. That may open the door to people that you may not have ever even thought of.
There are many sites out there that cater to open relationships. Some of them cater to married people that are looking for an affair. It is very important to note that with these types of sites, there is going to be one person cheating and this is going to open you up to many problems. It is strongly suggested that you use the consensual sites. You value open communication with your partner and it is your right to find other people who value the same type of honesty and openness. If you decide to use these sites, some examples of the problems could be: What if his or her spouse finds out? What if you get emotionally attached to this person and he or she decides that the relationship with you is wrong? What if he or she becomes attached to you and decides to leave his or her spouse? These are just a few of the problems that can occur. So again, your best bet is to use consensual sites that are in line with your values and avoid unnecessary issues.
Some sites cater to swinging, bisexuals, polyamory and some are just for “adult friends”. There are also many of the regular dating sites that cater to same sex relationships. Really take your time when looking through these sites to see if there are people and situations that you would be interested in before you post any information about yourself or pay for a subscription. Again, be careful not to post any personal information or pictures with identifying information in them, unless you have no issue with someone inadvertently finding out about this part of your life. It is also for your own safety in terms of meeting people that you do not know. In these ads, there are going to be a ton of abbreviations and terms that you are going to need to know that will help you find a person or people that are a good fit for you and your partner.
Here is a partial list of the commonly used abbreviations on the Internet / techie jargon:
- 420: marijuana smoker
- A: Asian or Anal. Refer to context.
- AT: “All that” – a slang term that means the owner of the ad thinks he or she is “the complete package”. Look out for the ego here.
- B: Black
- BB: Bodybuilder
- BBW: Big beautiful woman – meaning an overweight woman. This can also mean big breasted woman, though. If you’re not interested in overweight women, assume it means the first. There is also the ssbbw which is a super sized BBW which usually is an obese woman.
- B/D: Bondage / Domination – alternative sexual role playing involving bondage and submission/domination.
- BHM: Big handsome man – the male version of BBW.
- Bi: Bi-Sexual
- C: Couple – refers to a couple looking for additional sexual partners.
- CD: Crossdresser- person who likes to wear woman’s clothing.
- C/S: Closed swinging – refers to exchanging partners and then having sex in separate rooms (This is not suggested for beginners. This is something that takes an EXTREMELY secure relationship and a TON of talking).
- D: Divorced
- D/D Free: Drug and Disease Free
- DL: Downlow – person is not out to significant other and wants to keep this relationship “on the downlow”, or “private”.
- DP: Double penetration – refers to a female who has two penises inserted into any combo of her mouth, anus, or vagina, but is most commonly in the anus and vagina.
- DTE: Down to Earth – implies a relaxed personality.
- F: Female
- FA: Fat Acceptance – can mean that the writer of the ad does not mind overweight partners or that they are overweight themselves.
- FF: Friends First
- FS: Financially Secure – also known as Financially Stable. Can also be confused with F/S (see below). Again, consider the context
- F/S: Full Swap sex with another couple where both couples swap partners. Also refers to penetrative sex.
- FWB: Friend with Benefits – the ad writer is looking for a “friend” they can have sex with, not a boyfriend or long term relationship. Also can be NSA (see below).
- G: Gay
- H: Hispanic
- HWP: Height / Weight Proportional
- HS: Hard Swinger- refers to someone that wants to swing outside of their relationship (not something for beginners).
- I: Indian
- IPT: Is Partial To – used to indicate a preference but not a requirement for dating.
- ISO: In Search Of
- J: Jewish
- K: Kids
- L: Lesbian. This sometimes also means Latino. Check for context.
- LDR: Long Distance Relationship
- LS: Legally Separated
- LTR: Long Term Relationship
- LD: Light Drinker
- M: Male. Unless you are reading personal ads for swingers, in which case it can mean Married.
- ND: Non-Drinker or No Drugs
- NK: No Kids
- NM: Not Married or even Never Married
- NS: Non-Smoker. Can also be confused with N/S, so again consider the context.
- N/S: No swap – refers to sex in the same room but no swapping of partners occurs.
- NSA: No Strings Attached – similar to FWB above. The ad writer is looking for sex only.
- OS, Omni or Omnisexual – Means likes all sexes. It has started to become more popular as a synonym for bisexual but without the negative connotations of the word.
- O/S: Open Swinging – usually refers to a group of swingers that swap partners and have sex in the same room.
- P: Professional
- PNP: Party and Play – refers to use of drugs and sex.
- PF or Party Favors: usually refers to Methamphetamine use.
- S: Single
- SKI or Skiing: refers to cocaine or meth use.
- S/S: Soft swap – refers to non-penetrative sex such as oral sex.
- TS: Transsexual – a person who has either undergone a medical procedure to become or completely identifies as the opposite sex.
- TV: Transvestite – similar to crossdresser but the big difference is that the TV has a strong desire either emotional or through sexual gratification to dress in clothing of the opposite sex.
- Tina: The ad writer is looking for a partner to use methamphetamine with.
- VGL: “Very good looking” – again watch for the ego.
- W: White or Widowed – the context of the ad will tell you which exactly this stands for.
- WAA: Will Answer All – usually seen as a sign of desperation. This means the ad writer will answer all responses to his or her ad.
- WE: Well endowed – does not only refer to the size of a man’s penis, but can also imply that a woman has large breasts.
- Wi: Widowed
- WLTM: Would Like To Meet
- WTR: Willing to Relocate
- X: Extreme – implies that out of the ordinary sexual exploits are acceptable, or that someone lives an “extreme” lifestyle.
- Y: You (Your)
This is just a small amount of the terms that are out there but this will give you a good start. Remember, it is important to always think about your safety when meeting anyone off the internet. Start with a public place. Use your instincts and discuss any reservations you have with your partner. Don’t let your hormones cause you to let your guard down. There is lots of fun to be had but you have to be smart.