Anal Sex and Anal Stimulation

Tips and tricks on anal sex and anal stimulation: throughout the world, there are many taboos against anal sex / anal stimulation. Yet, despite the sexual taboos, the sexual practice continues.  Depending upon which static you read, 20%-50% of the population has dabbled in anal stimulation and anal sex. The most common reasons people report they engage in anal stimulation is because it feels good, they were curious, or they wanted to please their partner.

From a biological perspective, the anus is rich with nerve endings. These nerve endings are interconnected with the main pelvic muscles. During orgasm, the pelvic muscles rhythmically contract. When first experimenting with anal stimulation, many people report feeling pain. Once relaxation techniques are applied, the pain might dissipate and turn into pleasure. Please note, not everyone will like anal sex / anal stimulation. Each person is an individual with his or her own unique likes and dislikes.

Relaxation Techniques for the person receiving anal sex and anal stimulation:

  • Relax your anal muscles. The best way to learn how to relax your anal muscles is by trying to tighten them. Clamp down on your anal muscles as hard as you can, and hold for 2 minutes. Then stop. By default your anus is relaxed. Once you have identified relaxed anal muscles, try relaxing them without first tightening them.
  • Visualize positive sensations.
  • Remind yourself that you are engaging in anal play by choice. Your partner wants to please you. She/he is having fun exploring your body and your reactions.
  • Slow your whole body down by taking deep slow breaths.

Other tips and tricks for the person receiving anal stimulation / anal sex:

  • Urinate and defecate before engaging in sex play
  • Clean yourself well before engaging in sex play. That way you will feel clean.
  • Diet plays a major role in anal stimulation enjoyment. Those who have regular poops are more able to enjoy it. Thus, eat lots of leafy green vegetables, and fibrous foods. Foods that are highly processed are more likely to make you constipated.
  • Do kegels

Techniques for the person giving anal sex and anal stimulation:

  • Talk your partner through the breathing exercises (see above descriptions). Make sure you tell your partner that there are no time pressures. The goal is to only move forward when both people are ready.
  • You can tell when your partner has relaxed his / her anal muscles because they will feel relaxed. From a technical perspective, there are two muscle rings surrounding the anal opening, otherwise known as the sphincters. One sphincter is voluntarily controlled by the central nervous system and the other is controlled by the central nervous system. The external sphincter is the one that you can learn to relax. The internal one is automatic, much like blinking your eyes. To locate the sphincters, put your finger inside the anus and insert it a half an inch. On walls, you should be able to feel the two different muscles. They are located closely together.
  • Talk dirty / sexy. Use positive images. Distract your partner’s brain from focusing on the ‘dirty’ parts of anal play, such as the fact that you will get poop on your fingers. Use language to direct your partner’s mind to visualize his/her mind on the sensations.
  • Tell your partner that it is OK if they feel the need to poop. Your goal is to help them relax into the new sensations. If your partner is so worried about the full feeling, they may tighten up and have difficulty relaxing.
  • As you move closer to the anus, ask your partner if it feels OK? Ask for permission to keep going. Sometimes partners need an extra few minutes to catch his or her breath.
  • To penetrate the anus, start with a small finger. Cut your fingernails. You do not want to tear the lining of the anus. Use a lot of lubricant. There is no such thing as too much lubricant. Use a steady slow touch. Insert your finger straight. Pull out slowly. Repeat.
  • Go slowly. As you move about, tell your partner what you are about to do, so that he/she is mentally prepared.
  • Ask your partner to practice tightening and relaxing his/her anal muscles. Continue using one finger.
  • Move your finger in a slow circle inside the anus. Again, ask your partner for feedback. What type of touch feels most pleasurable to him/her?
  • In the beginning five minutes of anal stimulation may be more than sufficient. Getting comfortable with anal stimulation / anal sex may take weeks or even months. Sometimes a person never does. Each of us are unique and experience things differently. Your job is simply to get to know your partner better and to help him/her get the most out of sex.
  • Once you are able to use one finger on five different occasions, try two fingers.
  • Before engaging in anal sex, make sure you help ‘warm up’ your partner’s anus be using your fingers first.
  • Upon initial penetration, we recommend doggy style. The person receiving anal sex can then be in control of the speed of penetration.
  • Anal sex can be pleasurable either from the mental perspective or the physical perspectives. Ask your partner how they view it. Then get creative and build upon whatever their answers are. For example, if your partner is aroused from the dirtiness of anal sex, how can you create a dirtier image? In contrast, if your partner is disgusted by the dirtiness of anal sex, but truly enjoys the sensations, how can you help your partner focus on just the sensations?

General Guidelines for engaging in anal play and anal sex:

  • To minimize the risk of infection from bacteria from defecation, always wash your hands / genitals with soap before engaging in penile-vaginal, or hand-vaginal stimulation, hand-penile stimulation.
  • Communication is key. If you are struggling with communication, we strongly encourage the following exercise.
  • Use lots of lubrication.
  • Use condoms.
  • Test for sexually transmitted infections.
  • Just because something is liked one day, does not mean that the person is going to enjoy it the next day. Always check in with your partner.

Wondering what some of the anal sex taboos are? 

Anal sex is a sexual act that has been considered taboo in many cultures and societies throughout history. There are a variety of reasons why it may be considered taboo, including:

  1. Cultural and religious beliefs: Many religions and cultures view anal sex as morally or spiritually wrong.
  2. Stigma and discrimination: Anal sex has been stigmatized and discriminated against in many societies, particularly in relation to the LGBTQ+ community.
  3. Lack of education: Many people may not have accurate information about anal sex, leading to misconceptions and misunderstandings about the act.
  4. Fear of pain: Some people may be hesitant to engage in anal sex due to the potential for pain or discomfort.
  5. Societal expectations: There is often a societal expectation that men should be dominant and that women should be submissive in sexual interactions. This expectation can make anal sex, which is often perceived as a submissive act, uncomfortable or taboo for some people.

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to make their own choices about their sexual experiences, and that consenting adults should be free to explore their sexuality in a safe and consensual manner. It’s also important to note that it’s important to have accurate information, use protection, and be aware of the risks involved in any sexual act.

Still struggling with sexual communication?

Struggling with sexual communication is a common issue that many couples face. It can be difficult to express your desires, boundaries, and concerns about sex with your partner. Here are a few tips for improving sexual communication:

  1. Start with small steps: Begin by talking about your likes and dislikes, rather than diving into more complex or sensitive topics.
  2. Use “I” statements: Speak from your own perspective and express your own feelings and desires.
  3. Listen actively: Pay attention to your partner’s words, tone of voice and body language, and respond with understanding and empathy.
  4. Be honest and direct: Be honest about what you want and don’t want, and ask your partner to do the same.
  5. Create a safe space: Create an environment where both of you feel comfortable discussing your sexual needs and desires without fear of judgment or rejection.
  6. Seek professional help: If you are struggling to communicate effectively with your partner, consider seeking counseling to help you both improve your communication skills and strengthen your relationship.

It’s important to remember that sexual communication is a process and it’s not always easy. It’s important to be patient with yourself and your partner, and to give each other the time and space you need to improve. With open and honest communication, you can create a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.

As a general reminder  . . .  Creating sexual safety involves developing a culture of consent, open communication, and respect in all sexual interactions. It involves creating an environment where all parties feel comfortable and safe expressing their boundaries, desires, and concerns. Here are a few steps that can be taken to create sexual safety:

  1. Educate yourself and others: Learn about consent, sexual violence prevention, and healthy relationships. Share this information with others and encourage them to do the same.
  2. Communicate openly and honestly: Speak up if you have concerns or feel uncomfortable. Encourage others to do the same. Respect and validate each other’s boundaries.
  3. Practice active consent: Make sure that all parties involved in sexual interactions are freely and enthusiastically giving their consent.
  4. Create a support system: Make sure that there are people in your life that you can talk to if you experience or witness sexual violence.
  5. Hold others accountable: Speak up and take action if you witness or hear about someone engaging in unsafe or non-consensual behavior.

Creating sexual safety is a continuous process and requires the participation and commitment of everyone. It’s important to remember that creating sexual safety is not only about preventing sexual violence but also creating an environment where everyone feels comfortable and respected.