Where Has The Good Sex Gone
Where has the good sex gone? Maybe it’s in the bedroom! Have you recently realized that you can’t remember the last time you and your partner had sex? Are you struggling to remember the last time you wanted to have sex? One of the common ingredients in promoting and maintaining frequent sex with your partner is your bedroom environment. It is an easy factor to overlook, but the bedroom can often be a deal breaker when it comes to initiating and engaging in sex. You want your bedroom to be a place where you enjoy spending time or making time for sex, and a place that separates you from the outside distractions that life often brings.
The following 5 items are crucial elements when it comes to setting the mood and redirecting your focus in the bedroom. If you have noticed the quality and frequency of intimacy with your partner has changed recently and you are wondering where has the good sex gone, this checklist is a great way to assess your current pattern and possibly identify areas to make a change.
Take this list, go into your bedroom and while going over this list take a look around your room. Rate your like or dislike for these five areas on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being you hate it and 5 being you love it) Have your partner also rate the items. Share your answers with your partner, and then take turns going over each item at a time, discussing your thoughts.
Bedding (Comforter, pillows, mattress) You want a bed and bedding that is comfortable for you, as well as colors and patterns that appeal to you and you find comforting to look at day and day out. The goal here is for you and your partner to be spending more time in bed together, therefore the actual bed needs to be inviting and enjoyable to be in.
Wall DÃ©cor (Curtains, wall color, framed pictures, etc.) Again, the room needs to be inviting and calming to you and your partner. Do you like the color of the walls? Has the outdated wallpaper always bothered you and you try to avoid looking at is as much as possible? Are the framed pictures you have up on your walls pictures that make you smile and think of memorable and loving times?
Television Do you and partner keep a TV in your bedroom? Is it on all the time, and does that take away from quality time spent distraction free? TV can often be a major unknown mood kill for couples. No one wants to compete with the TV volume, or with whatever is so exciting on the television, that your partner just can’t focus on you. Some couples may have a healthy does of watching television in bed only twice a week, other couples may automatically head towards the remote the minute they walk into the bedroom. Try this experiment, take the TV out of the bedroom for one week, and record the difference you notice in the amount of conversation and overall quality time you have in bed with your partner.
Messes Do you have stacks of laundry taking your focus? Unpacked boxes? If you are wondering where the good sex has gone and any of these mentioned items are currently sitting in your bedroom, it is completely understandable if you haven’t been clicking your heels at the idea of putting everything else on pause to have sex. It takes a lot of mental energy to stay focused enough to be turned on sexually, so if you have a reminder of your daily stress (i.e. a stack of clothes to fold), some may find it difficult to ignore the incomplete tasks that are staring right back at them in the bedroom. This would be especially important if you or your partner has a tendency to continue taking on tasks and cleaning up on his/her way to the bedroom until the last possible minute before bed.
Bedroom/Office Combo Placing a workspace within the bedroom is a common mistake many professional couples make; they believe they are making a great use of their living space. This workspace in the bedroom includes computer and printers, fax machines, filing cabinets, or even a work phone line that rings in the bedroom. Once couples cross this line and welcome the bedroom office, they tend to forget the primary purpose of a bedroom, not to mention it’s a surefire mood spoiler!
To take this exercise further and to forever answer the question of where has the good sex gone, you can expand it into a great date! After you and your partner take turns and discuss all 5 items, have you and your partner agree on two of the items that you will change right now. Whether you agreed to separate your bedroom from your office, or to create a separate space for laundry, arrange a date with your partner to work on these 2 items together. If the changes require shopping and purchasing items, make sure to go together as a couple so you can both have a say in what items belong in the bedroom. Don’t forget, this exercise is about helping you enjoy your bedroom space more, in order for you to want to spend more time in the room focusing on quality time alone with your partner. Therefore, only add things to your room that you both like and find comfortable. Have fun with the exercise and with the date. After you improve two of the areas in your bedroom, and you have answered the question where has the good sex gone, be sure to celebrate your good work by spending a night together and uninterrupted in your new and improved bedroom.