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Vulvar Vestibulitis and Your Sex Life Tips on Vulvar Vestibultis
Vulvar Vestibulitis and your sex life: Vulvar vestibulitis refers to pain or discomfort in the vulvar area, specifically at the opening of the vagina, which is called the vestibule. The pain or discomfort can feel like burning, itching, or a cutting/stabbing type of sensation. For many women, it can be very similar to the burning and itching sensations of a yeast infection. There can be noticeable inflammation and redness at the opening of the vagina, but for some woman there is none. Penetration, tight clothing, or even prolonged sitting can cause pain and discomfort. Often a diagnosis of vulvar vestibulitis can be a relief. Finally, you have name for this problem of feeling pain in your vulva. Many women spend years and see many doctors to find a cause for their pain and to get a diagnosis. With treatment, you may even feel some significant relief. Or you may not. Even if you do feel significant relief, your sex life seems to be changed forever. Maybe penetration is not as effortless as it used to be. Maybe your desire has diminished. Or maybe your relationship is having significant issues. Many women feel as if they will just have to give up their sex lives and find themselves depressed. Having vulvar vestibulitis does not mean that your sex life is over. Things may have changed, but you are still a sexual being and are capable of having satisfying sexual interactions.
Self Help Tips for How to Have Satisfying Sexual Experiences with Vulvar Vestibulitis: Grieving your past sexual relations It is important to allow yourself to fully experience your emotions after your diagnosis. You may feel sadness, fear, and anxiety about how the diagnosis will affect your sex life. While it may be true that vestibulitis may impact your sex life, it does not mean that sex life is over. Grieving the changes in your sex life is necessary to help you move forward and adapt to new ways of experiencing and exploring your sexuality. Increasing sexual desire If diminished desire is a problem, consider re-evaluating what turns you on. Did you like the smell of your partner’s cologne or perfume? Did your enjoy dressing in sexy lingerie? Maybe being sexual in areas other than the bedroom was a turn on. Reading erotica can also help you to discuss what are turn-ons for you. You can also involve your partner by reading erotica together or talking about your sexual fantasies with one another. Reading erotica with your partner can be a big turn-on that requires very little effort. In addition, you will learn more about what types of sexual behaviors or thoughts turn your partner on. Talking about any sexual fantasies that you have also gives each of you ideas about what each of you finds erotic. An interesting exercise to try with your partner is trying to construct a sexual fantasy together. You can start by identifying places or settings that both of you feel are erotic and sexual. Talk about some of the sexual behaviors and touches that turn you on. One of you can begin by setting the scene of the fantasy (e.g. describing the setting, what the person or people are wearing, what the person or people smell like, etc.) You and your partner can take turns adding to the fantasy. If you find coming up with your own personal fantasy to be difficult, you and your partner can get some ideas from erotic readings and erotic films. Sometimes, women and men do not really know what turns them on or what they find sexy. You may feel disconnected from your sexuality, if your idea of sex has changed. Reconnecting to your sexuality and remembering who you were before dealing with vestibulitis can be helpful. Think about what kinds of non- intercourse behaviors you found to be sexual and erotic, such as kissing, and caressing. Think of other parts of your body that you really enjoy having a partner kiss or caress. Communication Talk with your partner, especially if your relationship has been under significant stress because of the vestitibulitis. Find out what your partner feels and thinks. Ask your partner to brainstorm ways that you could express sexual desire, to help them feel sexually wanted. Ask them to come up with 100 ways. The more things on the list, the better his or her chances are that you will be able to do some of those things. Share your thoughts and fears. Often so much goes unsaid that once a couple shares around the issue, it resolves some problems. For example, you may find that your partner is very scared of hurting you and may pull away. If this fear is not communicated, you may interpret his pulling away as a signal that he is not interested in you sexually, interested in the relationship, or both. While communication about sex is always important, it is crucial when there is a significant sexual concern. If you have a new partner, it is also a good idea to share your concerns. Expanding your sexual repetoire The word outercourse refers to sexual behaviors and ways of feeling and giving pleasure that do not involve penetration. Think outside of the box about sexual pleasure. What other things besides penetration do you find pleasurable? What about oral sex or anal sex? Are there other ways that you have experienced orgasm? Try giving each other a complete body massage with some scented body oil and maybe even some music you both find particularly arousing. Try taking a long, steamy shower together and explore what kinds of touch each of your finds pleasurable. Ask your partner what other things he or she may find to be pleasurable. USING VAGINAL DILATORS TO WORK ON RELAXATION AND PENETRATIO Vaginal dilators come in different sizes from very small (like the size of a regular tampon) to the size that is similar to the average male penis. Vaginal dilators can be useful in helping you to learn to relax and stretch your PC muscle (the muscle surrounding the opening of the vagina) and help you to become adjusted to penetration with the changes that you feel from the vestibulitis. Many times when a woman has had numerous problems with penetration, the PC muscle may be particularly tight as a result of tensing and tightening the muscle when penetration was painful. By using dilators gradually from a smallest size to larger sizes, you allow your muscle to stretch and adapt to the different sizes. If you have never been able to have penetration, you can start with trying to insert your finger in your vagina or trying to insert a tampon. If is very helpful to do some type of relaxation technique before inserting a dilator. A good basic relaxation technique to use is to take a deep breath in for a count of five, hold the breath for a count of three, and then exhale the breath for a count of five. Repeat that breathing exercise ten times. Also practice tensing and releasing your PC muscle. A great way to try tensing and releasing your PC muscle initially is when you urinate. When you stop the flow of urine, you are tensing your PC muscle. When you urinate, you are relaxing your PC muscle. Trying the exercise first when urinating will help you to understand how to tense and relax the muscle. Once you understand how to tense and relax your PC muscle without urinating, practice tensing for a count of five and then relaxing for a count of five three times before inserting the dilator. Working with dilators can be very effective. RECOMMENDED INTERCOURSE POSITIONS With regards to intercourse, some positions are more comfortable than others. Some women find that the woman on top position or a side by side position can be more comfortable. Women with vestibulitis often feel more pain near the bottom of their vaginal opening. When a woman is on top during penetration or even side by side, there is potentially less friction at the bottom of the vaginal opening. In addition a woman may find it easier to adapt and control the penile thrusting. You may want to experiment with positioning to find one that is comfortable for you. Sexuality is an important part of your life. Having vulvar vestibulitis doesn’t mean that you have to miss out. Written by Jennifer L. Foust, M.S., LPC
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