|
10 Week
Depression Support GroupBegins9/7/8
Sex Tips
Sex therapy
Schedule
Appointment
About
Us
Directions
World Wide Sex Therapist Directory
General
Tips
Contact an OB/GYN
Contact a Urologist
Recommended
Books
Links
Employment
Opportunities
Appearances The News & Media
| |
Too Tight
Ask Alex,
I'm a 23 years old male, and my girlfriend is 21 years old. We've been seeing
each other for a year now, and decided we were ready to start having sex. My
girlfriend went to the doctor and started taking the pill, and we're using
condoms also. We're both virgins and were never involved in a previous sexual
relationship. When we tried it for the first time it hurt her a great deal, she
described the pain as much like menstruation pain. She also bled a little (but I
know it's normal). Since then we tried two more times and it still hurts her a
lot. We had a lot of foreplay before the actual penetration and she seems very
aroused and wet. Nonetheless we tried using KY jell, but it doesn't seem to help
much. She's very tensed when we have sex and she contracts her muscles, she says
she does not want to but can't help it. Instead of releasing the muscles, she
contracts them even more so it hurts more. After a while she gets very tired and
so do I, because I have to hold
myself in the air so it won't hurt her.
We tried different positions, but she says she's most comfortable with the
missionary one. She says she feels I'm very deep inside of her, when all I
really can insert, before it starts hurting so much, is just the head of my
penis. She talked to her mother and sister and they both told her it hurt them
very much too, and took them a few attempts before they could do it. I'm willing
to try as much as she needs but she gets very frustrated with the situation. I
suggested that maybe she wasn't really ready but she says she is very ready. We
even thought using some alcohol so she'd get more free, but I'm afraid she'll
get to drunk and fall asleep, or won't remember anything in the morning, so the
next time will be hurtful again. I tried suggesting I inserted a finger into her
but she says the idea repulses her. Also, she never used tampons.
Is this situation normal? Should we just make some more attempts and it will be
O.K? Do you have any other advice for us? I tried reading as much on the subject
as I can, but I found no solution.
Thanks in advance,
Udi
Dear Udi,
My guess is that your situation is normal. Though, just to be sure, I highly
recommend that your partner has a medical check up with her regular GYN. Once
you can rule out all potential medical reasons for this issue to be occurring,
it may be that your partner is not used to having anything inside of her. If
this is the case, you can expect that it will take a long of practicing (which
can be quite fun) while she gets used to having something inside of her.
In general, coitus (eg. Sex) is always more difficult if you are
*Uncomfortable using a tampon
*Uncomfortable with finger stimulation inside of you
* tensing your vaginal muscles
Recommendation:
1) Practice all of the above three things....
2) practice having sex - once you are inside of her - instead of continuing to
thrust...stop and talk to her - by this I mean verbally re-assure her it is ok
to relax her vaginal muscles, in fact you could have her practice squeezing and
releasing with you inside of her - you will then be her gage as to how hard she
is squeezing
3) you could also practice with a small dildo - or she could do so on her own
4) focus on the other parts of your sexual relationship - there is much much
more than just intercourse - and when she is ready she will initiate things
(sometimes focusing on 'getting the hang of sex' can be a turn off - it depends
upon the exact relationship that the two of you
have)
This tip was originally written by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW.
|