SEX THERAPY IN PHILADELPHIA

Sex Therapist

Skype Sex 101: Action!

Sexual Skyping / Technology and Sexuality

written by the staff at Sex Therapy in Philadelphia

Skype Sex 101: Action! The decision has been made—you and your partner are going to have Skype-sex. You are confident that your interaction will go on without a glitch—technological glitch that is. However you are not 100% confident that you can pull this off without a hitch. In fact, you are nervous about how you perform and what exactly you are going to do. You are confident that you can initiate, but it is the performance you are worried about. No need to worry, this tip provides a step-by-step script for you to follow!

Using intentional language to initiate Skype-sex can be one of the most difficult steps, but since you and your partner have successfully addressed this topic give your self a break! Skype-sex is not a movie performance—its purpose to enhance your relationship and bring you and your partner pleasure. So don’t get hung-up on the fact that you are “performing on video.” In fact, if you rather not look at yourself you can move your video image by dragging it to a location on the screen that you are not fixated on. Simply move your cursor to your image and click and drag the image where you would find it less distracting. To not focus on the camera, proceed as you would if you and your partner were physically together. Begin to talk dirty to one another. Start with your “light” version of dirty talk.

“Light” dirty talk. This sets the tone for the encounter. Start general by saying: “I can’t stop thinking about your sexy body.” Say this in a sultry voice—quietly, in a near whisper. Continue with this tone and imply that you want to see your partner’s body. “What is under your shirt (pants)?” “You wouldn’t still be wearing those clothes if I were there.” All of these phrases just affirm that you interested in engaging in Skype-sex and begin to set the mood for your partner too. As you are saying these sexually suggestive things to your partner you should use an element of fantasy in your own mind. Pretend that your partner is in the same room as you and imagine that you are touching and getting intimate with your partner. As you start to fantasize about your partner, vocalize these images by increasing your dirty talk.

Tell em’ what you want. Because you cannot reach out and touch your partner you need to articulate what you would like them to do. This directness can be sexy as you say “I love your cock, take it out of your pants so I can see it” or “Let me see your wet pussy.” “Show me how you touch yourself.” Many people don’t vocalize what they want in bed but Skype requires one to be vocal to be intimate. This is a very attractive interaction for your partner because they know exactly what you are thinking and takes the “guess work” out of sex. Instead, both you and your partner can express your wants and desires in a direct way. This can build your confidence with being direct with your partner and ultimately help to strengthen your communication in and out of the bedroom.

Now because you and your partner have instructed one another to touch yourselves you can proceed with mutual masturbation. This can take place singly or simultaneously, depending on your preference. If you and your partner choose to take turns masturbating for the camera, obviously, this is a more time consuming process so make sure you both have time blocked off so neither of you are left frustrated when time runs out! Also if you choose to each masturbate solo, the partner that is watching can participate by narrating what they find sexy. Of course you don’t want to sound like a sports commentator, but you can do this in a manner that is encouraging and sexy! Start by saying what you find so sexy about your partner “I love watching you touch yourself, it turns me on to see you in action.” Or “You are so sexy, look at your body!” You can also comment about what you wish you were there to do to your partner in person: “If I were there I would put my mouth on your big cock.” Or “I wish I were there so I could touch all over your body.” Of course, be conscious of your tone, you want to sound sexy and turned on. Many people refer to this as “hot and bothered.” Let your partner know that Skype sex is an attractive substitute for in person sexual contact, while also indicating that there is nothing more you would like than to physically be with your partner.

If you decide to mutually masturbate simultaneously then you and your partner should drive one another crazy with anticipation before either of you progress to self-pleasure. The focus of your sexual encounter is to turn each other on and provide mental and visual foreplay (fantasy)! This takes place through the direct language you were using before with an increased element of fantasy. You and your partner can describe highly erotic scenarios to one another to arouse each other. Pretend you had a sexual dream about your partner and describe that scenario: “I dreamt about you last night. You were my English professor and were standing in the front of the classroom, lecturing, but I could not take my eyes off of you.” By providing a description of what was happening you allow your partner to enter the fantasy too and visualize for him/herself. Next describe what they did that was erotic: “Then you came over to tell me to pay attention and you had a big erection right in front of my face, so I touched it. The next thing you know we were having sex in the front of the class.” You can describe any sexual scenario you want, just be direct and specific. Tell your partner what positions you saw them in: holding you against the wall, missionary with your hands tied back, reverse cowgirl, doggie-style, anal sex, etc.

Once you have both share erotic fantasies and reached a point of high arousal you can begin to masturbate simultaneously. Some individuals may close their eyes and listen to the sounds their partners are making to incorporate into their own fantasy as they masturbate. Others might choose to watch their partners masturbating while they themselves masturbate too this image. There is no right or wrong, it is whatever is appealing to you.

There are endless ways to communicate during Skype sex, but it is important to remember that a successful sexual encounter via Skype must have direct communication! Use language that you are comfortable using with your partner, but make sure they know what you are talking about. You may choose to masturbate simultaneously or take turns watching each other masturbate; either way, you are choosing to express yourself sexually via Skype. Now relax and enjoy yourself!

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Founder of Sex Therapy
in Philadelphia


"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS,
ACSW, LCSW


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