SEX THERAPY IN PHILADELPHIA

Sex Therapist

Role Playing

Sex Therapy in Philadelphia

written by : Amber Lynn Connell

Role Playing: Gateway To Your Sexual Fantasies Role playing is a fun way to spice up your sex life. For many people, role playing is a gateway to experience new things in the bedroom because you feel like you are doing those things “as someone else.” When you are role playing you get to take on the personality of someone else and while in that persona, you can rely on your own techniques or explore some moves that you normally wouldn’t be so quick to try. For example a normally shy and unassertive woman acting as a dominatrix may be more likely to tell her partner when and where she wants to be touched. Role playing is a way to allow each partner to live out his or her secret sexual fantasies.

It is not necessary to use props and costumes when role playing; however, it can enhance the experience. You can choose to use props and costumes to get into character more fully, such as dressing up like a cheerleader or football player if that is your role. The key to role play is to pick a scenario that entices you both. Start by discussing your fantasies. Make a list of your top five, such as “to sleep with a cop” or “to do it on a desert island.” Once you have each made your top five lists, compare notes and decide together which scenarios you feel comfortable with and which ones you would like to put on hold. Be completely honest with your partner. If you do not feel comfortable with anything involved in a particular scenario, make it known from the get to. Compromise the scenes that push the limits too far.

In the beginning it is recommended to pick scenarios that are familiar and uncomplicated. If you’re not feeling the idea of pretending to be someone else, start by switching up the things you already do. This will create a new role for the evening. If you usually start in missionary and end with her on top, or if he is dominant and she is submissive, try switching it up. Little changes in the routine will help ease the nervous tension of taking on a whole new character. Keeping in mind that the scenario is the central piece to a successful role play, it is necessary to set the mood. If your fantasy for the night is to pretend you are two strangers on a desert island you can set the mood by playing a CD of ocean sounds and lighting a “sea breeze” scented candle. As you get more comfortable with the idea of role playing, try mixing it up even more by adding some extra props and costumes or by building upon a previous role play and thus stretching out the scenario. If you started out pretending to be a cop, take it a step farther and handcuff your partner for the next scene or pretend you made it all the way to the courthouse and act as the defendant and the judge. You will start to think of yourselves as actors and actresses in a play with your bed as the stage.

Role play is at its core a fun way to explore yourself and your partner sexually but it can also be used to build trust in your relationship and expand some boundaries. Learning what each other fantasizes about and then providing a means to achieve those fantasies will deepen the bond between the two of you. Below are some ideas for role playing, just use your imagination and the possibilities are endless!

Cheerleader and Football Star In high school, the head cheerleader and football captain ruled the school. They did it because they had a quick confidence that couldn’t be busted. They also eluded an air of playful sexiness that many of us are still trying to achieve. Take on this personality and rule the bed tonight. For her: bust out some pom-poms and pair them with a super-high pony tail and some bright blue eye shadow. Cheer your man on by telling him what feels good and where you want to be touched. For him: grab an old jersey and those tight pants. Make some rough and tumble grunts while laying on smooth moves in the sack. Start the evening off by watching a teenage romance movie and eating popcorn. Then take a trip down memory lane and flip through your old photo albums and yearbooks. To kick it up a notch, do it in the back seat “so you don’t get caught” or take a drive out to “make out point.” Remember the key to this scenario is youthfulness and fun.

Teacher and Student This role play brings new meaning to the words sexual education. You can play-out this scenario in a few ways, depending on how you envision it. The first scenario is for more of a male driven fantasy where the female in the relationship plays the teacher. Many men will fantasize about “getting caught” thinking about their teachers from elementary and highs school in a sexual way. To play this scene out have her dress as a sexy teacher wearing a cardigan half unbuttoned with nothing under it, a tight pencil skirt, heels and glasses. All he has to do it sit back and act naughty, then get “punished” by his teacher.

The other way to play this scene is to have one person “play” the inexperienced member of the couple. This role can be taken on by either partner, gender doesn’t matter as much. The other person will be in an instructor role, teaching everything from foreplay through intercourse. If you are in the instructor mode remember to explain in detail what you want your partner to do including, where and when you want to be touched, how much pressure and speed to use, when to switch from digital to oral stimulation, when to begin intercourse, control the “inexperienced” person’s thrusting during intercourse, or teach them a new position. As the instructor remember to give specific details rather than generic blunt statements. Use positive reinforcement i.e. “yes I like that” when your partner does what you told them to do. Take this opportunity to share your desires with your partner and to teach him or her some techniques that will make your overall sexual experience better. Then switch roles and allow your partner to teach you a thing or two.

Play Chef As kids we were all told not to play with our food, however, during sex, playing with food can be quite stimulating. This scenario allows you to combine two sensual experiences into one: good food and good sex. After a nice romantic dinner (preferably homemade since we’re talking about “plying chef” here) have your partner go into the bedroom and get comfortable. Tell them that you will be there in a minute with desert in bed (a sexy play on breakfast in bed). As the chef, you will get to pick the ingredients for your dessert. Some suggestions to try include, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, honey and fresh fruit like strawberries blueberries or something else you can eat in one bite. Other ideas that can be fun are chocolate truffles, pudding (used as body paint) and ice cream, but talk to your partner about this one first because it’s cold and melts easily. If you can get a hold of a chef’s hat, wear one while carrying the ingredients in on a tray (as if you are serving it to your partner). Once your partner is naked in bed, be the chef and whip up dessert. You can do this by “plating” your dish right on their body. For example, cover her breasts with the whipped cream and chocolate then dip the strawberries in it. As mentioned before, you can use the pudding, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and homey as body paint by making a map of you and your partner’s “pleasure zones.” And after you have dessert, always remember to lick your plate clean!

Reenact your first night together This scenario is good for a couple that is trying to rekindle the romance in their relationship. By acting out our first night together, you will be emotionally and physically reminded of what made you fall for each other in the first place. Start at the very beginning with where and how you met. For instance if he picked you up while studying in the library, go there and ask her out again. If she did the dialing, do it that way. Then re-enact the first date, go to the very same restaurant or rent the same movie you went to see. (Note if your first date was a double or group date, start with your first solo date together.) For guys, be the complete gentleman like when you were trying to “win her over.” Bring flowers to her house (or go outside and knock on the door if you’re living together). For the ladies, get all dolled up and make him wait awkwardly in the living room just like you did for your first date. If you took things slow that first time, take them slow tonight and emphasize the foreplay. If you rushed right in because you couldn’t even make it through dinner, bring back that excitement and get right between the sheets.

Another way to do this role play is to pretend you’re both singles and “pick each other up” at a bar. The fun to this role play is in going out separately, maybe flirting with someone else for part for the night, then going home together. In order to make this work you have to think and act like you’re single. This includes sending out the vibes that you are on the prowl looking to go home with someone. To start, make an event out of it. Go shopping for new clothes, just like when you were single. Take your time primping (i.e. shaving for guys and extra makeup and doing your hair for the gals), dress to impress, and remember if you got it flaunt it. Plan to arrive separately. When you spot your mate across the room at the bar, restaurant, or club be coy with them. Remember you are pretending you don’t know them. Use an alias. Flirt a little or a lot depending on your style. Maybe send them over a drink. If they come over to chat with you pull out all the moves you used when you were single like making eye contact and then holding it a little longer than usual, batting your eyelashes, tilt your head and body towards theirs to show interest, and if you feel like it, throw out a cheesy pick up line to keep things fun. When you’re ready to leave, you can go home together or “swap numbers,” go your separate ways, and call later on for a late-night rendezvous. This scenario is all about awakening your partner to what they saw in you that caught their eye.

Afterwards, take time to communicate what you remember, like best, and miss about your early days together. Use this “role play” to bring the romance back, to open the lines of communication about what you want and need in your relationship, and to help you remember why you love each other so much.

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individual counseling, couples counseling, couples therapy, marriage counseling, marriage therapy, family therapy, family counseling, sex therapy, grief therapy, anger management therapy, addiction counseling, couples workshops, enrichment seminars, support groups, skills building classes, classes.. Mental health therapists may be marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, counseling practitioners just to name a few. If you have enjoyed our self help tips, please let us know.

You do not need to ever need to meet us to benefit from our collective years of wisdom in this field. Many of our ideas are written down in the form of self help tips that are free to be read by anyone on the Internet. If we are good, eventually we will have worked ourselves out of a job and you will be able to live the life you have always wanted!

Other Helpful Tips

Sexual boredom

How To Create a Sexual Fantasy

How to Share Sexual Fantasies

Fantasy

Keeping the romance alive

A kissing tune-up

Putting Passion Back into your Relationship

Getting More Out of Sex

Bringing romance back into your relationship

Mindful Sex: A Guide to Becoming Sexually Present

How to approach sex

How to use touch to get the most out of sex

Sexuality Concerns

Erection difficulties ED
Fertility problems FP
Impotence IMP
Orgasm Difficulties Org
Painful intercourse PI
Painful vaginal spasms PVS
Pregnancy Problems P
Premature ejaculation PE
Sexual addictions SA
Low sex drive LSD
Sexual Orientation Confusion SOC
Sexual Inexperience SI
Sexually transmitted Infections (herpes) STI

Have you experienced

Sexual Aversion SA
Sexual Boredom SB
Negative Body Image NBI
Embarrassment & Anxiety
Depression D
Chronic Pain
Cheating Spouse / Infidelity
Medical Problems MP
Rape or Sexual Abuse RSA
Relationship and Marital Problems RMP
Communication Problems CP

Founder of Sex Therapy
in Philadelphia

"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS,
ACSW, LCSW

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