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located on 6th and Locust St.
The Center for Growth, Inc.
also known as
Sex Therapy in Philadelphia
233 S. 6th Street, Suite C-33
Philadelphia PA 19106
New Clients (267) 324 - 9564
Existing Clients (215) 922-5683
Fax (215) 922-6302
Internet and Open Relationships
Counseling and Therapy in Philadelphiawritten by : Jennifer Foust, Ph.D., M.S., LPC
Open relationships and the internet You and your partner may have decided to try pursuing an open relationship. You have done your homework and you and your partner understand some of the risks involved. You and your partner have talked about ground rules and each of you understands the other person's “non-negotiables”. Now the question is how do you find someone? Well don’t jump the gun, as it’s extremely important that you have a game plan at all times in terms of finding someone and an open line of communication the entire time. If you have not yet talked to your partner about engaging in an open relationship and/or have not talked about setting ground rules, take some time and do so.
Once you have talked everything out and you know what you and your partner want from this open relationship it’s time find someone. What if you have no idea where to start? Well there are a number of options. This tip will cover the internet. You can start by checking out chat rooms. There are many that are attached to yahoo, AOL, msn etc. There are also chat rooms such as IRC, ICQ, and PlanetChat that are specifically for chatting. Most have swinger, bisexual, gay etc. specific rooms. There are also online classified sites like Craigslist where you could find that right person or persons. Be very careful though in any of these options that you do not to post any personal information or choose pictures that have any identifying information in them (your house in the background, for example). Depending on how out you are or want to be, you could change your Facebook or MySpace status to “in an open relationship” or “looking for men and women”. That may open the door to people that you may not have ever even thought of.
There are many sites out there that cater to open relationships. Some of them cater to married people that are looking for an affair. It is very important to note that with these types of sites, there is going to be one person cheating and this is going to open you up to many problems. It is strongly suggested that you use the consensual sites. You value open communication with your partner and it is your right to find other people who value the same type of honesty and openness. If you decide to use these sites, some examples of the problems could be: What if his or her spouse finds out? What if you get emotionally attached to this person and he or she decides that the relationship with you is wrong? What if he or she becomes attached to you and decides to leave his or her spouse? These are just a few of the problems that can occur. So again, your best bet is to use consensual sites that are in line with your values and avoid unnecessary issues.
Some sites cater to swinging, bisexuals, polyamory and some are just for “adult friends”. There are also many of the regular dating sites that cater to same sex relationships. Really take your time when looking through these sites to see if there are people and situations that you would be interested in before you post any information about yourself or pay for a subscription. Again, be careful not to post any personal information or pictures with identifying information in them, unless you have no issue with someone inadvertently finding out about this part of your life. It is also for your own safety in terms of meeting people that you do not know. In these ads, there are going to be a ton of abbreviations and terms that you are going to need to know that will help you find a person or people that are a good fit for you and your partner.
Here is a partial list of the commonly used abbreviations:
- 420: marijuana smoker
- A: Asian or Anal. Refer to context.
- AT: "All that" - a slang term that means the owner of the ad thinks he or she is "the complete package". Look out for the ego here.
- B: Black
- BB: Bodybuilder
- BBW: Big beautiful woman - meaning an overweight woman. This can also mean big breasted woman, though. If you're not interested in overweight women, assume it means the first. There is also the ssbbw which is a super sized BBW which usually is an obese woman.
- B/D: Bondage / Domination - alternative sexual role playing involving bondage and submission/domination.
- BHM: Big handsome man - the male version of BBW.
- Bi: Bi-Sexual
- C: Couple - refers to a couple looking for additional sexual partners.
- CD: Crossdresser- person who likes to wear woman’s clothing.
- C/S: Closed swinging - refers to exchanging partners and then having sex in separate rooms (This is not suggested for beginners. This is something that takes an EXTREMELY secure relationship and a TON of talking).
- D: Divorced
- D/D Free: Drug and Disease Free
- DL: Downlow – person is not out to significant other and wants to keep this relationship "on the downlow", or "private".
- DP: Double penetration - refers to a female who has two penises inserted into any combo of her mouth, anus, or vagina, but is most commonly in the anus and vagina.
- DTE: Down to Earth - implies a relaxed personality.
- F: Female
- FA: Fat Acceptance - can mean that the writer of the ad does not mind overweight partners or that they are overweight themselves.
- FF: Friends First
- FS: Financially Secure - also known as Financially Stable. Can also be confused with F/S (see below). Again, consider the context
- F/S: Full Swap sex with another couple where both couples swap partners. Also refers to penetrative sex.
- FWB: Friend with Benefits - the ad writer is looking for a "friend" they can have sex with, not a boyfriend or long term relationship. Also can be NSA (see below).
- G: Gay
- H: Hispanic
- HWP: Height / Weight Proportional
- HS: Hard Swinger- refers to someone that wants to swing outside of their relationship (not something for beginners).
- I: Indian
- IPT: Is Partial To – used to indicate a preference but not a requirement for dating.
- ISO: In Search Of
- J: Jewish
- K: Kids
- L: Lesbian. This sometimes also means Latino. Check for context.
- LDR: Long Distance Relationship
- LS: Legally Separated
- LTR: Long Term Relationship
- LD: Light Drinker
- M: Male. Unless you are reading personal ads for swingers, in which case it can mean Married.
- ND: Non-Drinker or No Drugs
- NK: No Kids
- NM: Not Married or even Never Married
- NS: Non-Smoker. Can also be confused with N/S, so again consider the context.
- N/S: No swap - refers to sex in the same room but no swapping of partners occurs.
- NSA: No Strings Attached - similar to FWB above. The ad writer is looking for sex only.
- OS, Omni or Omnisexual - Means likes all sexes. It has started to become more popular as a synonym for bisexual but without the negative connotations of the word.
- O/S: Open Swinging - usually refers to a group of swingers that swap partners and have sex in the same room.
- P: Professional
- PNP: Party and Play – refers to use of drugs and sex.
- PF or Party Favors: usually refers to Methamphetamine use.
- S: Single
- SKI or Skiing: refers to cocaine or meth use.
- S/S: Soft swap - refers to non-penetrative sex such as oral sex.
- TS: Transsexual – a person who has either undergone a medical procedure to become or completely identifies as the opposite sex.
- TV: Transvestite - similar to crossdresser but the big difference is that the TV has a strong desire either emotional or through sexual gratification to dress in clothing of the opposite sex.
- Tina: The ad writer is looking for a partner to use methamphetamine with.
- VGL: "Very good looking" - again watch for the ego.
- W: White or Widowed - the context of the ad will tell you which exactly this stands for.
- WAA: Will Answer All - usually seen as a sign of desperation. This means the ad writer will answer all responses to his or her ad.
- WE: Well endowed - does not only refer to the size of a man's penis, but can also imply that a woman has large breasts.
- Wi: Widowed
- WLTM: Would Like To Meet
- WTR: Willing to Relocate
- X: Extreme - implies that out of the ordinary sexual exploits are acceptable, or that someone lives an "extreme" lifestyle.
- Y: You (Your)
This is just a small amount of the terms that are out there but this will give you a good start. Remember, it is important to always think about your safety when meeting anyone off the internet. Start with a public place. Use your instincts and discuss any reservations you have with your partner. Don’t let your hormones cause you to let your guard down. There is lots of fun to be had but you have to be smart.
Open Relationships
Setting Ground Rules in an Open Relationship
Swinger Clubs Versus Sex Clubs in Philadelphia
The Secret To Making A Polyamorous Relationship Work
How To Introduce A Poly Relationship
How To Talk To Your Partner About An Open RelationshipIs friends with benefits right for you
What are the benefits and drawbacks to 'Friends with Benefits'
Topics on Sexual Orientation
Coping with Internalized Homophobia
Coming Out to Family and Friends
Coming Out: Developing a Gay/Lesbian Support Network
Topics on BDSM
Sexuality Concerns
- Alternative lifestyles AL
- Erection difficulties ED
- Infertility / Fertility problems FP
- Impotence IMP
- Orgasm Difficulties Org
- Painful intercourse / Dyspareunia DYS
- Painful vaginal spasms PVS
- Pregnancy Problems P
- Premature ejaculation PE
- Sexual addictions SA
- Low sex drive LSD
- Sexual Orientation Confusion SOC
- Sexual Inexperience SI
- Sexually transmitted Infections (eg. herpes) STI
- Sexual Health Concerns of Children C
- Sexual Health Concerns of Senior Citizens SC
Have you experienced?
- Sexual Aversion SA
- Sexual Boredom SB
- Negative Body Image NBI
- Embarrassment & Anxiety SE
- Depression D
- Chronic Pain
- Cheating Spouse / Infidelity CS
- Medical Problems MP
- Rape or Sexual Abuse RSA
- Relationship & Marital Problems RMP
- Infidelity / Affairs (AI)
- Communication Problems CP
Founder of Sex Therapy
in Philadelphia
"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS,
ACSW, LCSW
To schedule an appointment, please call: 267 - 324 - 9564
If you live in Center City Philadelphia and the surrounding regions, including the Main Line, Montgomery County, Bucks County, Chestery County, Cherry Hill and Southern New Jersey area and want to schedule an appointment for individual therapy, couples therapy, marriage counseling, sex therapy, family therapy or play therapy call (267) 324-9564.
