Directions to our office
located on 6th and Locust St.
The Center for Growth, Inc.
also known as
Sex Therapy in Philadelphia
233 S. 6th Street, Suite C-33
Philadelphia PA 19106
New Clients (267) 324 - 9564
Existing Clients (215) 922-5683
Fax (215) 922-6302
The Key To Good Sex: Making The Time
Sex Therapy & Marriage Counseling in Philadelphiawritten by : Aimee Wood, MSW, LSW
The Key To Good Sex: Making The Time Do you remember the early months of your relationship? It was new and exciting, and most likely seemed effortless. The time to spend with your partner was just there, you never really had to think about it. Separate lives and separate homes helped the two of you keep many mundane aspects of your daily lives out of your romantic relationship. So when it was finally time to see each other at the end of the week, having quality time with your partner was the focus. Whether it has been two years, or ten years into your relationship, it’s safe to say those days are gone. Most likely many things that used to be separate between the two of you are no longer separate, and everyday is a balancing act involving finances, job(s), family, self care, and much more. So, where is the time for sex and quality time with your partner now? You must make it yourself. In order to identify what you can do to make time, it’s important to find out where can you make time.
Time is of the essence for good sex and good intimacy. What time of the day do you function the best? What time of the day do you function the worst? Many couples tend to make sex the last activity before bedtime, without considering this question. Waiting until the very end of the day can negatively impact the quality and quantity of sex between you and your partner. Many events and stressors can occur between the end of one’s workday and time alone with your partner. Stressful phone calls, paying bills, and completing household tasks are just a few of the typical activities that could easily decrease one’s energy and therefore desire for sex. If you are the type of person who tends to “shut down” as the day comes to a close, it’s important to reassess when is the best time of the day for sex for you, as well as for your partner. Making time alone with your partner a priority in your day can go a long way. It not only shows your partner how much you value time together, but it also reminds both of you that the needs of your relationship come first before phone calls, laundry, and the many other tedious tasks in our day.
A great way to help you make this time with your partner first is to schedule a “bedroom date.” Ask your partner in person before you both race out the door, or, send an email later in the day asking for “you and me time” in the bedroom at 6pm. Discuss with your partner what you want from the set “you and me time.” This can include time in the bedroom to talk, cuddle, or exchange massages. This bedroom date can either be used as an opportunity to lead to sex with your partner, or it can simply be an opportunity to spend uninterrupted time being affectionate with one another, without any set expectations of sex.
Leaving the bedroom date open without set expectations of sex can help avoid feelings of pressure, and allow the opportunity for more spontaneity. The goal is to give you and your partner a break together, which is how you want to look at your bedroom date, as a break and not another obligation or task on your to-do list. Often, sex can naturally be the result in a bedroom date, once you and your partner have had a chance to relax, catch up and talk about your days and decompress. If the majority of your days consist of schedules and knowing what’s next, leaving the night open for possibilities can be a great change of pace to your day. The main point to keep in mind is to establish feasible goals and expectations. When setting the bedroom date, mentally go over your schedule for that day and assess for yourself what will likely be feasible for you with your partner. For example, if you plan to be running around to your job, meetings, and errands all day from 8am to 9pm at night, think about the likelihood of your energy level and what you will want and be up for in your bedroom date. You know your body best when it comes to your energy levels and how much you can handle in one day.
Not sure the best time of the day to initiate a bedroom date? Here are three ideas to try each at least once.
Early Morning Set your alarm an hour before, or even thirty minutes before. Engage your partner by a light morning massage, kisses on the neck, or even a peace offering of freshly made coffee. Spend your time in bed together cuddling, spooning, or holding hands while discussing your plans for the day and for the evening.
Saturday Night Saturday is a perfect day for a bedroom date for couples who work a Monday through Friday schedule. Saturday dates allow an opportunity for you and your partner to be more relaxed, and hopefully giving you enough time to have caught up on your sleep the night before. Whether it is Saturday morning or early evening, this is a great opportunity to schedule only this date, and nothing else following the date in order to allow plenty of time for the date to go wherever and however you want it to go.
Sunday Afternoon Plan accordingly with your partner, whether that means to catch up on your grocery shopping a day earlier, or making a date after Sunday football. Ask your partner if they are free at 4pm for time alone, which would be a nice segue into having dinner together. Arrange to make dinner together after your bedroom date, or agree to go to your favorite local restaurant for dinner and discuss your experience of the Sunday bedroom date.
After you and your partner try each idea, discuss your experiences of each date. You can share what you both liked about the afternoon date, what you disliked, what you were surprised about, and what was different compared to previous bedroom dates. Was there anything that made you uncomfortable? Was there a date you liked the most, but an aspect of the date you’d like to do differently? Most importantly, discuss which bedroom date you both would like to repeat again for the next week!
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May benefit from our services:
individual counseling, couples counseling, couples therapy, marriage counseling, marriage therapy, family therapy, family counseling, sex therapy, grief therapy, anger management therapy, addiction counseling, couples workshops, enrichment seminars, support groups, skills building classes, classes.. Mental health therapists may be marriage and family therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, counseling practitioners just to name a few. If you have enjoyed our self help tips, please let us know.You do not need to ever need to meet us to benefit from our collective years of wisdom in this field. Many of our ideas are written down in the form of self help tips that are free to be read by anyone on the Internet. If we are good, eventually we will have worked ourselves out of a job and you will be able to live the life you have always wanted!
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Founder of Sex Therapy
in Philadelphia
"Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS,
ACSW, LCSW
If you live in Center City Philadelphia and the surrounding regions, including the Main Line, Montgomery County, Bucks County, Chestery County, Cherry Hill and Southern New Jersey area and want to schedule an appointment for individual therpay, couples therapy, marriage counseling, sex therapy, family therapy or play therapy call (267) 324-9564
