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Coming Out: Developing a
Gay/Lesbian Support Network
Coming Out: Developing a Gay/Lesbian
Support Network coming out can be an emotional and scary process. Do you
feel isolated and alone? Do you feel like you have no idea what to expect and
that you wish that someone could just tell you what it is all about? Do you
just want someone to talk to and to help you navigate through this process?
Building a gay/lesbian support network
can be a very important part of the coming out process. It is not uncommon for
individuals who have identified as gay or lesbian to have very few if any people
in their life that are gay or lesbian and can identify with the experience. In
addition, it is scary to come out and face the unknown without some support and
if you aren’t able to talk to the people in your life because of fear, shame, or
embarrassment, you are left to deal with the scariness and unknown by yourself.
Where can you find the information and
the individuals?
- Think about the friends in your
life that are supportive of you and with whom you feel close. Is this
friend(s) that you feel you can trust and who is accepting of you? Consider
talking with that person(s) about being gay or lesbian. It may be helpful
to go to coffee or dinner, so that you have plenty of time to talk. Tell
this person(s) in a way that communicates that you feel positive about who
you are and that you want to share this part of yourself with him or her.
Even if they are straight, your real friends will want to support you. Your
friends may have a lot of questions and you can educate them about you and
about being gay and lesbian in general. Share with them some of your
experiences or maybe even some of the information or books that you found
that helped you. Remember, that some of your friends may need some time to
digest this new information. It took you time to be comfortable being gay
or lesbian and it is likely that your friends may need some time too.
- Another way to begin building a
support network is by going online. Some of the major sites like Yahoo and
AOL likely have some message boards/chat rooms where you can talk to others
who are beginning the coming out process or who are further along in coming
out and can be helpful to you. In Yahoo, try clicking on groups and doing a
search for gay and lesbian or coming out groups. In AOL trying looking
under people and then clicking on message boards for the gay and lesbian
category.
- It is also a good idea to go back
to the bookstore or to the books that you may already have on the experience
of being gay and lesbian. Reading books about gay and lesbian individuals
can continue to help and remind you that you are not the only one going
through this experience and to see how others have coped with the process.
A few books that you may find helpful include:
On Being Gay: Thoughts on Family, Faith, and Love by Brian McNaught,
Now That I’m Out What Do I Do by Brian McNaught,
Lesbian Passion: Loving Ourselves and Each Other by JoAnn Loulan, and
This Is What A Lesbian Looks Like by Kris Kleindienst
- If you still find that you are
struggling or would like additional help in building a support network and
talking about being gay or lesbian, consider individual therapy. Individual
therapy can be helpful by working with an expert you can guide and support
you in the coming out process.
Having a support network and resources
will be invaluable as you navigate through the coming out process. You need
people who will positively affirm your new life and allow you to fully express
your true self.
Written by Jennifer L. Foust, M.S., LPC
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