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10 Week
Depression Support GroupBegins7/2/8
Sex Tips
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Better
sex - learn the skills to having better sex without ever actually
meeting with a sex therapist.
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One of the most important concepts is to
learn how to pace yourself. Meaning, each time you learn a new trick, tip or
idea only introduce one new idea/concept per week to your lover. We
suggest this for two reasons. First, becoming a great lover does not happen
overnight. Each new tip, trick or idea needs practice. Spending a week on it
allows sufficient time to fully explore it. Furthermore, by pacing out the
new ideas you suddenly become viewed as 'creative'. Each time your lover
has sex with you, you are doing something new! His or her perception of your
love making skills is critical. If she / he thinks you are good, he / she
will be anticipating something pleasurable, thus making her/him more easily
excitable. Imagine the famous Pavlov experiment, where Pavlov was able
to make a dog salivate simply by hearing the bell ring. This is what you are
trying to do to your partner, you want him/her to get wet without your
having to actually do anything.
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Read some sexy books out loud with your
partner. While in some ways this might be an embarrassing task, it has the
potential to open an entire new discourse on sexuality. Reading engages the
brain.
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Request feedback. While words can be
useful, request feedback through the senses. For example, ask your partner,
if she likes what you are doing to make noises. The louder she is the more
she likes it, and the more you will do it. Feel her heart beat. The faster
her pulse, the more she likes it. If you are struggling with how to get
feedback, we have designed a
tip specifically on this topic.
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Play the mirror game. Touch your partner,
the way your partner normally touches you. Typically people touch others the
way they want to be touched, thus by playing the mirror game (doing
everything in the same way back to them) almost by default you will have
discovered your partners favorite likes and dislikes.
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Rent some sex educational videos of
people having sex and watch them with your partner (these types of videos
are often boring, but educational. Probably in part because they are
'boring' they promote a certain type of conversation, which promotes better
sex). One of the advantages of videos is you can actually see people having
sex. While, as a therapist, I am a big believer in talking, sometimes
the adage, a picture is worth a thousand words, is accurate.
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Read some books on
how to become a better lover.
Sometimes, learning a new technique for touching is enough.
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Read some self help tips on becoming a
better lover, this website is packed with tips, tricks and ideas. If
you are seeking general sex tips if you
need help overcoming a specific problem like
premature ejaculation or you are
clueless as to how to have an orgasm
or maybe you simply have questions about
sexual orientation For a full scope of our
self help tips
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Written by "Alex" Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, ACSW, LCSW
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