Accepting Your Own Limitations

Accepting your own limitations – Is your relationship worth saving? While most people will have an opinion about whether you and your partner should stay together, ultimately, the answer to that question is an intensely personal decision that only you can answer. Ultimately, you will have to live with the consequences.  Even fantastic therapists like the ones we have at our organization in Philadelphia can’t answer the question for you. With that being said, there are some general guidelines that the counselors at The Center For Growth have developed as to when a relationship is not worth saving.

  • Your partner wants to end the relationship. No matter how much potential you see in the relationship, or how much you love your partner, you can not ‘fix’ the relationship without him/her. Relationships take two people.
    When this is the scenario, we strongly encourage you to let go. Prior to letting go, it may be to your benefit to have one last conversation with your partner where you state your perspective. In some situations, you might be able to ‘win’ him/her over. However, be careful. Too much persuasion on your end runs the risk of putting yourself in an overly compromised situation. If you have to beg to get your partner to take you back, then you may be over-giving, and your partner over-taking. This could result in your partner acting selfishly, not because she/he is a bad person, but rather because you over gave. Balance in a relationship also means boundaries. When someone you love is not treating you well, step back and observe how you feel. Explore within yourself why you want to spend time with someone who is not treating you well. Does it really feel good? Or are you simply wanting them out of force of habit? Or memories of what used to be?  This is very different than a partner who is unhappy about the relationship, but is willing to explore in therapy if this relationship is worth saving.
  • Your partner is emotionally, sexually or physically violent towards you, and /or your child.Extreme situations such as violent rapes or broken bones are easier to recognize. To report abuse, contact the police 911. If you are unsure if you meet the criteria of an ‘abuse victim’ or if you are scared, professional help is available.
    The Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.ndvh.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and / or a rape hotline.
    Women Against Rape http://www.woar.org (215) 985 — 3333 
    Most people who are living with an abuser or lived with an abusive person benefit from the support of a therapist. No one should go through this alone.

Sometimes, motivated partners are able to change. It is rare for partners to change without a lot of help.

Resources for the Abuser

  • Sexual abusers in Philadelphia who want help can contact: Joseph J. Peters http://www.jjp.org (215) 701-1560
  • Physical abusers who want help can contact: The Center for Family Services http://www.centerffs.org : (856) 964-7378

 

Marriage Counseling and / or Couples Counseling Can Help – Meeting with a marriage counselor, can help you determine for yourself what is the best way to proceed.  By working with a marriage counselor, she or he can help you better understand the choices that you have made, identify your options, and help you achieve what your goals.